Skip to main content
  1. News
  2. Politics
  3. Government

USA! USA! USA!

See also

So the Olympic Winter Games are in full swing. The US hockey teams have played well, extreme skiing sports have gone well and overall the Americans are more than holding their own. After the US men's hockey team beat the Russians in a phenomenal overtime thriller, chants of "USA! USA!" could be heard all around the Olympic Village. It got me thinking....

President Obama: "This staff meeting is called to order...."

(Interruption from staffers): "USA! USA! USA!....."

President Obama: "Hang on, hang on we've got some items on the agenda. First, there are a few media outlets calling for an investigation of the allegations that the IRS is targeting conservative groups. The good news is that most Americans are more fixated on the Olympics...."

"USA! USA!...."

President: "OK, OK. Next there are rumblings out there that we lied regarding the Affordable Care Act, specifically my statement 'if you like your doctor, you can keep him.' Again, some good news- most Americans are still covered by their previous policies and while confidence is eroding many still haven't realized that this is just the beginning on our way to a single payer system....."

"USA! USA!"

POTUS: "Hold it down will you? There also are calls for hearings to further investigate both Benghazi and Fast and Furious. We may be unable to keep the AG out of hot water for the whole term, but as long as the public continues to get most of it's news from Stewart, Letterman and the like, we shouldn't have too much to worry about. Thank goodness that creep Leno is gone- I'm pretty sure Fallon will go easier on....."

"USA! USA! USA! USA...."

"Enough! Look, I get it- we have a lot to be thankful for. And I also get that we destroy the notes from these meetings. But we have to be careful just because there are millions of

Unbelievably Stupid Americans

keeping us out of trouble now, if they start paying attention in the future, it all could end. Relying on USA now is not a guarantee they will stay that way. We must keep them entertained and distracted and hope events continue to provide cover for the next three years...."

"USA! USA! USA! (President joining in now) USA! USA! USA!"

Advertisement

News

  • Israel, Hamas clash in Gaza
    At least 550 Palestinians have been killed in Gaza in the third week of the war
    Video
    Video
  • Pro-Russia guards
    President Obama criticizes pro-Russian rebels for blocking off the MH17 crash site
    World News
  • National Guard at Texas border
    Texas Gov. Rick Perry sending National Guard troops to the US-Mexico border
    US News
  • Unlikely Putin defender
    The unlikeliest US politician comes to the defense of Russia's president, Vladimir Putin
    Politics
  • iPhone 6 coming soon
    Apple is gearing up for the iPhone 6, orders tens of millions of units
    Tech
  • Gynecologist settlement
    Johns Hopkins agrees to $190M settlement for patients recorded by gynecologist
    Strange News