Skip to main content
  1. News
  2. Politics
  3. Government

USA! USA! USA!

See also

So the Olympic Winter Games are in full swing. The US hockey teams have played well, extreme skiing sports have gone well and overall the Americans are more than holding their own. After the US men's hockey team beat the Russians in a phenomenal overtime thriller, chants of "USA! USA!" could be heard all around the Olympic Village. It got me thinking....

President Obama: "This staff meeting is called to order...."

(Interruption from staffers): "USA! USA! USA!....."

President Obama: "Hang on, hang on we've got some items on the agenda. First, there are a few media outlets calling for an investigation of the allegations that the IRS is targeting conservative groups. The good news is that most Americans are more fixated on the Olympics...."

"USA! USA!...."

President: "OK, OK. Next there are rumblings out there that we lied regarding the Affordable Care Act, specifically my statement 'if you like your doctor, you can keep him.' Again, some good news- most Americans are still covered by their previous policies and while confidence is eroding many still haven't realized that this is just the beginning on our way to a single payer system....."

"USA! USA!"

POTUS: "Hold it down will you? There also are calls for hearings to further investigate both Benghazi and Fast and Furious. We may be unable to keep the AG out of hot water for the whole term, but as long as the public continues to get most of it's news from Stewart, Letterman and the like, we shouldn't have too much to worry about. Thank goodness that creep Leno is gone- I'm pretty sure Fallon will go easier on....."

"USA! USA! USA! USA...."

"Enough! Look, I get it- we have a lot to be thankful for. And I also get that we destroy the notes from these meetings. But we have to be careful just because there are millions of

Unbelievably Stupid Americans

keeping us out of trouble now, if they start paying attention in the future, it all could end. Relying on USA now is not a guarantee they will stay that way. We must keep them entertained and distracted and hope events continue to provide cover for the next three years...."

"USA! USA! USA! (President joining in now) USA! USA! USA!"

Advertisement

News

  • Baseball Hall of Fame
    The Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown welcomes six new inductees
    Video
    Video
  • 2012 do-over
    If we were to re-do the 2012 election, a new poll suggests Romney would win
    Politics
  • Boko Haram
    Boko Haram kidnaps the wife of the vice prime minister of Cameroon
    World News
  • Ceasefire breaks
    Israel's Benjamin Netanyahu claims Hamas broke another brief ceasefire
    Gaza
  • Close call with CME
    Scientists tell how Earth survived a giant solar flare back in 2012
    Space
  • Comic-Con
    What's going on at Comic-Con? Get all the latest updates here
    Comic-Con