Unwritten rules of scheduling meetings at the workplace

Where all the magic happens.

Receiving a meeting invite in your inbox can be frustrating and annoying.  Typically, it's because you are a lazy bastard who doesn't want to do anything at work.  However, sometimes it's due to coworkers who don't understand the rules for scheduling meetings.  To help ease the pain, inform them of the 10 unwritten rules of scheduling meetings at the workplace:

1. Never schedule meetings during lunch hours.
Lunch hours varies by region, but generally speaking, the hours of 11am - 1pm should be off limits.  For someone like myself, I'm often at lunch during that entire 2 hour window.

2. Never schedule a meeting before 9am
We don't have the same morning schedule as you. Go right ahead and schedule a meeting at 8am. We won't be there.

3. Never schedule a meeting after 4pm.
Again, some people actually enjoy their private life and do not blanket themselves with work to take away the pain of having no social life. If you want to keep me at the office until 6pm, you're going to need some heavy duty straps.

4. Lunch meetings are unacceptable, even if you are paying.
You cannot bribe us with your money. Lunch is about more than food. It's about not working. You may look at the lunch hour as a great time slot for a meeting because everyone is available. They are available because they want to EAT LUNCH AND NOT WORK.

5. "Brown Bag" Lunch n' Learn sessions are inexcusable.
"Brown Bag" means "We are not paying for your lunch". "Lunch n' Learn" = Holy sh$@ this is boring.

6. Do not invite participants unless you are absolutely sure they are needed.
Don't waste our time with meetings when we are not needed. If there is a 5% chance that the participant needs to be involved, let's go with the odds. If you think the participant needs to hear what's going on in the meeting, take notes and they can review them when they have time. It takes 3-5 minutes to review notes. It takes 30-60 minutes to sit in your painfully boring meeting.

7. Do not schedule a team status meeting because it's good management practice.
Good managers don't need formal status meetings that waste everyone's time. Good managers know what their employees are doing. Good managers have good employees who inform their managers of important items. Good companies do not have daily 60 minute status meetings.

8. Do not schedule a meeting 30-60 minutes in advance.
Even if our calendars show that we are available, our lives revolve around those small pockets of time we have between meetings. Specifically, our web surfing. When you ruin that, we get very angry. At a bare minimum, meetings should be scheduled at least 6 hours ahead of time, with a preferred 48 hour window.

9. Do not schedule a "Lessons Learned" meeting at the conclusion of a project.
No one cares about a project once it is complete. Storm ahead to the next project that you will screw up. There's no time for thinking about why the past was flawed. If you are forced into one of these meetings, be sure to throw out the idea that one of the lessons you learned is that "Lessons Learned" meetings are a complete waste of time.

10. Do not schedule a meeting to review the same topics discussed in a previous meeting with the same participants.
It's not uncommon to feel like Bill Murray in the movie Groundhog Day.

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'Unwritten rules of the office' is a new recurring article from Dudley B. Dawson which will appear several times per week through the end of the year.

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