Stop exercising. Eat fried foods. Drink wine and beer. Take naps. Enjoy chocolate. Don’t swim. Be round. And live a long, happy life, says the mysterious doctor.
Here is the most seemingly outlandish, yet completely arguable, holistically-sound, diet and food philosophy that I’ve ever seen.
It's uncommon wisdom based on common experience.
The identity of the doctor prescribing this diet is unknown, however, these principles are not unique, as unusual and unorthodox as they might seem.
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: The heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up the heart will not make you live longer; it's like saying that you can extend the life of a car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
The Island of Longevity - Coffee, wine and afternoon naps
The study points to three factors that have made the people of Ikaria enjoy a vibrant and long life:
- The strikingly high levels of consumption of traditionally brewed Greek coffee that counteracts heart disease.
- Relaxing naps in the afternoon are enjoyed by most people of the island.
- In addition, two glasses of red wine in the evening in the best of company is one important fact that the study noted.
In the opinions of the scientists involved in the study, the life-extending traditions of Ikaria are also due to their social structures such as the coexistence of sometimes four generations in big families, the joint celebrations in the village community giving them the feeling of togetherness and solidarity.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine; that means they take water out of the fruity bit, so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer is also made of grain. Bottoms up!
For years, wine drinkers have indulged without guilt, reveling in the news that red wine can help protect against heart disease. Recent research shows that beer can also be good for what ails you, from reducing risk for broken bones to helping warding off diabetes and mental decline. It can even increase longevity, a large study suggests.
However, the key to tapping into beer’s benefits is moderation.
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have one body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!
One of the features noted in the study of the Ikarian culture is that they walk everywhere they need to go and don't rely on automobiles for transportation.
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU ARE NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil! How can getting more vegetables be bad?
Livestrong tells us:
So you might wonder if deep frying with a healthier oil, such as olive oil, would make fried foods better for you, as well as increasing the amount of beneficial olive oil in your diet. The good news is that you can still enjoy the occasional deep-fried treat and stay healthy . The bad news? If you want to get more olive oil into your diet, frying isn't the way to go.
Olive Oil Benefits
Fats may be saturated, polyunsaturated or monounsaturated fats. Saturated fats contribute to high cholesterol and clogged arteries.
Monounsaturated fats such as olive oil and avocados, and polyunsaturated fats such as corn and canola oil, don't clog arteries and may even help lower cholesterol.
Olive oil makes a healthier substitute for butter for dipping bread or brushing on streaks and vegetables.
Olive oil is an important part of the Mediterranean diet, the diet eaten by people in countries around the Mediterranean Sea. These people have lower levels of heart disease than people in other countries. Adding olive oil to your diet, especially to replace saturated fats such as butter, can help lower your cholesterol.
Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It's the best feel-good food around!
Dark Chocolate Lowers Blood Pressure
Dark chocolate -- not white chocolate -- lowers high blood pressure, say Dirk Taubert, MD, PhD, and colleagues at the University of Cologne, Germany. Their report appears in the Aug. 27 issue of The Journal of the American Medical Association.
But that's no license to go on a chocolate binge. Eating more dark chocolate can help lower blood pressure -- if you've reached a certain age and have mild high blood pressure, say the researchers. But you have to balance the extra calories by eating less of other things.
Antioxidants in Dark Chocolate
Dark chocolate -- but not milk chocolate or dark chocolate eaten with milk -- is a potent antioxidant, report Mauro Serafini, PhD, of Italy's National Institute for Food and Nutrition Research in Rome, and colleagues. Their report appears in the Aug. 28 issue of Nature. Antioxidants gobble up free radicals, destructive molecules that are implicated in heart disease and other ailments.
"Our findings indicate that milk may interfere with the absorption of antioxidants from chocolate ... and may therefore negate the potential health benefits that can be derived from eating moderate amounts of dark chocolate."
Translation: Say "Dark, please," when ordering at the chocolate counter. Don't even think of washing it down with milk. And if health is your excuse for eating chocolate, remember the word "moderate" as you nibble.
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain a whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, totally worn out, Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, proclaiming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans...
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
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