Stacey Campfield wants to make Christmas safe for Christians. The state senator from Knoxville has introduced a bill that would give schoolkids and their teachers the legal right to use “traditional greetings” during “winter celebrations,” in the bill’s terminology.
"This stops all these silly lawsuits that say you can't say 'Merry Christmas' or 'Happy Hanukkah' or have a Christmas tree," says Campfield, a Republican. And Campfield knows silly. Earlier this year he proposed another bill to make welfare payments to parents contingent on the grades of their kids. (He dropped it.) And he revived an old bill proposal of his, the “Don’t Say Gay” one, that would prohibit teachers from discussing any aspect of sexuality except heterosexuality in grades K-8.
Although no one can recall a single lawsuit having to do with Christmas or Hanukkah in any Tennessee school, Campfield nonetheless felt it crucial to protect all the consituents he knows who are “afraid of lawsuits.” God knows we live in a litigious society, but has it come to this? If Campfield’s bill isn’t enacted (he’s asked that it be effective starting in 2014, so everyone will have to take their chances this holiday season), maybe insurance companies could start offering “Merry Christmas” coverage.
While Campfield does his utmost to make Tennessee every bit the nation’s laughing-stock that it was during the Scopes trial 88 years ago, we have to marvel at the nature of the Almighty implied by his series of bills. Apparently He hates gays and those on the dole—but He loves Christmas.