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Unleashing the Colts minicamp fury

LaRon Landry pops Andre Johnson in a 2013 game at Lucas Oil Stadium. The Colts need more effective play from Landry this season.
LaRon Landry pops Andre Johnson in a 2013 game at Lucas Oil Stadium. The Colts need more effective play from Landry this season.
Photo by Andy Lyons/Getty Images

Recently I learned that I’m going to be a father for the first time. Well, I’m not sure if I can still say recently when my wife is about to enter her fourth month. This was very much a miracle pregnancy and we’re both still pretty shocked.

Side note: Alicia really wants a girl. I’m on the side of as long as we have happy and healthy, I’m good. However, I do have to say that a girl might be fun. Yeah…I know…get back to me on this statement in about 10 or 11 years.

I only bring up the fatherhood angle because of what I’m seeing out of Colts minicamp this week. If there’s someone that I can provide pretend and way-too-early fatherly advice, it would have to be LaRon Landry.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m sure Landry does not need any advice whatsoever, and if he did his own father or father figure would be the logical source. For the purposes of this article, go with it and don’t think too deeply. Then again, that’s probably how you have to take any of my work. Touche.

Coming off a 2013 season that at best could be described as underachieving, and at worst completely craptastic, Landry was again absent during OTAs. I’m not the type to freak out about voluntary workouts. The Colts signed Landry knowing full well he’s a one man wolf pack in the offseason.

What I absolutely noticed was that he missed minicamp practices Tuesday and Wednesday, and it’s likely he will be sidelined yet again today. Ryan Grigson has provided only a glimpse behind the curtain, saying that Landry has a lower body issue and they will take it easy.

Here’s the thing about that: the Colts couldn’t have known about that injury until minicamp because Landry has been ghost, so the training staff had no chance to get in front of this. Again this is minicamp and we’re not going to go all Skip Bayless (i.e. making mountains out of ant farms).

Enter the scenario where I provide pretend fatherly advice. It goes a little something like this…

Son, these people paid you a buttload of money coming off your one and done with the Jets in 2012. You stayed away last offseason and told them it was because you wanted to be sure you would last a full season. You didn’t. Not only that, your play last season was not good.

That secondary had one constant in Antoine Bethea. He’s gone now. They’re putting a ton of faith in you to step it up and pick up some of the slack. You’ll also have a brand new partner at safety, and you can’t develop any chemistry when you’re not around.

Not to mention you worked out so hard that there’s this lower body injury that the Colts just found out about because you’ve been gone. That couldn’t have made them thrilled, seeing you on the sideline with an injury they didn’t know about when you’ve been away all offseason.

Football has two sides: the staying in top shape side, which you’re crushing; and the football side, which is less than crushed. If this was bodybuilding nobody could say a damn thing. You have that part down pat.

The thing is…football is pretty important in, well, football; and you’re not so solid with the football thing lately. The least you can do is put as much into football as you do into the damn workouts and selfies.

Good talk.

I can only imagine the publishers and networks lining up to give me my own talk show. This stuff is liquid gold baby! Jokes and pretend advice aside, the Colts secondary is very much a question mark this offseason.

It could be worse; Vontae Davis could be roaming another team’s secondary. The old stalwart is gone and left are Davis, injury waiting to happen Greg Toler, Landry and Delano Howell/Mike Adams/other.

This is not the end of the world, and come training camp we’ll get our first real look at the ‘new’ secondary. Could we be more confident in this group if we’d have seen, you know, them on the field together at minicamp? Yeah, you have to believe we could.

Then again, if King Kong was real he would have known better than to fall off that damn tower. Hold up…phone is ringing. Only question is whether it’s Oprah or CNN?