All parents worry about the safety of their children from time to time. During the school day, however, parents trust staff members to keep the students safe. They assume that school personnel know how to identify and handle bullying behaviors. While this may be true, misbehaving children are often devious and many victims are too timid to tattle. As a result, bullies sometimes slip under the radar.
So what can parents do if they suspect their child is being bullied? First they must understand the difference between general conflict and bullying.
What is bullying?
At some point we have all felt aggressive toward someone and maybe even wanted to hurt a person. Most of us refrain from doing so because of moral instincts and fear of consequences. Bullying is not this occasional desire to hurt someone. It is not mere arguing, which is natural and age-appropriate. Bullying is negative actions toward a target repetitively over time. It is aggressive behavior by a more powerful individual (or group) against a less powerful individual. Typically the actions are enjoyed by the bully who is seeking a sense of superiority.
There are three distinct kinds of bullying.
- Physical: hitting, pushing, tripping, shoving
- Verbal/Written: scary phone calls, name-calling, threatening emails
- Social: racial remarks, public embarrassment, negative facebook posts, exposing private information
The most common type of bullying in elementary school involves continuous exclusion, rumor-spreading, or the deliberate breakup up friendships. Psychological bullying has become the most common and arguably the most damaging over time.
Why do people bully?
Bullying behaviors stem from natural, genetic aggression and/or learned behaviors. For instance, a child living in a violent neighborhood may have a predisposition toward hostile behavior. A child who is overly exposed to violent television programs and videogames may display similar aggressive tendencies. Children who have abusive households or chaotic family lives are especially prone to developing a need for control.
To learn more about how to help your child, read A parent's guide to bullying.
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