Many people rush into relationships before the ink is dry on their divorce decree. They bring their prior relationship baggage into the new relationship. Their partner choice is far from who they would pick had they taken the time to heal from their divorce.
Tom joined an online dating site within weeks of filing for divorce. He had his checklist of qualities he desired in a woman. His requirements needed to be that the woman was weight proportionate, employed, drug free, and childless. Tom met a woman in a few days and within nine weeks they had moved in together. Tom was already discussing marriage on the second date.
Boundaries were clearly lacking with Tom and he met a woman with similar boundary issues. Tom never took the time to heal from his prior relationship. Nor did he take the time to assess his role in his prior failed relationship.
Tom approached a mate like a business decision. He wanted a woman to share expenses with who was also a Republican. His main goal was to get a woman who assisted him in household chores and raising his children.
Julie suffers from co-dependency and has trouble being alone. She lacks conscious awareness and has no clue who has just entered her life. Co-dependent people have a strong need to be needed. She gets her value in life by feeling needed. Co-dependency is often confused with love since Julie grew up in a co-dependent family.
Her subconscious mind thinks “love” is when one feels needed. Love actually requires conscious awareness and not filling in Tom’s checklist to not feel alone, doing household chores and babysitting his children.
Co-dependent relationships are a set up for misery. An unenlightened male might have control issues. An unenlightened female might present with drama and emotional unbalance. A co-dependent person does not feel complete being alone. He will assign his happiness to a person outside of him-self. This is a recipe for disaster and future litigation.
Co-dependent people rush entirely too soon into relationships with people they barely know. Julie fails to ask questions and believes everything Tom tells her regarding his last two divorces. If your relationship is rushing too fast then chances are you have encountered a co-dependent person.
Many miss the warning signs since the ego is so flattered with all the attention.
Love does not happen overnight. But a co-dependent relationship does!