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Unapologetic Barbie

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I like to stay on top of current events. I read the newspaper every morning, watch the news, browse the net and I subscribe to all the major magazines. I even have a police scanner and I attend every Alice Cooper concert that hits town just to keep my edge.

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So you can imagine my surprise this morning when I returned from the mailbox and peeled the plain brown wrapper from the latest issue of Sports Illustrated to find the 2014 Swimsuit Issue with none other than Barbie gracing the cover. Not Barbie Benton, the former Playboy cover girl from the 70’s and ex-squeeze to Hugh Hefner, but Barbie the doll. And she’s still hot.

This issue is the 50th anniversary of the mag featuring bikinis on the cover and Barbie has been around since 1959 when she was introduced as a glamorous airline stewardess. Hubba-hubba. Since then she has been an astronaut, disabled and she even ran for president in 1997 losing to Bill Clinton but edging out Bob Dole in a tight race. She has in all those years had 37 different careers, two less than I have in 55 years. She has driven a corvette and has lived in a Malibu Beach House and has been reincarnated in the past as Oreo Barbie, Star Trek Barbie and Zombie Barbie. Mattel tried a Mob Wives Barbie but botox prohibited her debut because of the cost. I can’t wait for Kardashian Barbie, where all she does is text and pretends she cares what you’re talking about. She’s been tattooed, she’s had menopause and she may have even had a sexually transmitted disease. Sales of G.I. Joe plummeted that year.

Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue covers have featured Cheryl Tiegs, Christie Brinkley, Paulina Porizkova, Rachel Hunter, Heidi Klum and Tyra Banks. Hubba-hubba again. Supermodel Elle Macpherson has graced the iconic cover five times over a span of twenty years.

The Swimsuit Issue traditionally bridges the gap for sports fans between the Super Bowl and opening day of baseball, March Madness and the Stanley Cup.

So I think in honor of this year’s edition I’m going to pop open a few beers, throw some shrimp on the Barbie and sit back and peruse Barbie while the Barbie is going. You had to see that one coming.

Shrimp on the Barbie

1 Stick Butter, Melted

¼ Cup Olive Oil. (Hey, there’s an idea for the cover of the SI Swimsuit edition next year. Popeye’s Olive Oyl! How do I come up with this stuff?)

½ Cup Herbs, Parsley, Thyme, Cilantro, all Minced

3 Tbs. Freshly Squeezed Lemon Juice

3 Cloves Garlic, Smashed and Minced

2 Tbs. Scallions, Chopped

Sea Salt/Freshly Ground Black Pepper

2 Lbs. X-Lrg. Shrimp, Peeled & Deveined, Leave the Tails on

Skewers, Soaked in Water

Lemon Slices

Combine the first 7 ingredients in a large non-reactive bowl, add shrimp and toss to coat.

Thread shrimps on skewers and grill over high heat until done, about 2-3 minutes per side.

Serve over wilted spinach or greens and garnish with lemon.

Check out the video and slideshow for a glimpse at Barbie and Sports Illustrated through the years. I’ve got to get to Target to buy my limited-edition Sports Illustrated Barbie available exclusively at Target before they sell out.

Hubba-hubba everybody.

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