Sure, you're married and you think it's silly for you to have to operate by a list of rules. Just as your flesh stretches itself out to test its limitations with the LORD, your flesh often stretches itself against your wife. After all, the Bible tells us that there are ways that seem right to a man, but the end thereof is death. This means that you aren't always right, even when you think you are, and that's why we need the LORD. But just what is moral and immoral behavior on social media sites? After all, every man or woman could draw up their own list about what they consider to be the rights and wrongs of social media interaction. Even though that's true, there are some behaviors that don't require the same pat-down as an opinion. Some behaviors are just downright disrespectful and should be avoided by husbands. Below are eight un-husband-like behaviors that are Un-Christlike.
1. The infamous “poke” on Facebook. Just what does that poke mean, and is it just an innocent misinterpretation of a kind gesture? The answer is simple. Would you go out in public and poke a woman you didn't know? While on Facebook, are you “poking” women with your wife's knowledge? There is no misinterpretation of the ever-so-flirtatious poke. Point blank: It's flirting at its best. Not only is it flirting, but it's a gesture that makes many women feel uncomfortable and disrespected, as they don't know how to respond to such a gesture. So, what is the purpose of the “poke” then? The poke was designed by Facebook for you to basically get the attention of the people you know. It's like seeing Cousin Susie online and tapping her on her shoulders to get her attention; nevertheless, it has and is used as a tool for husbands (and wives alike) to get the attention of the people they are romantically (or sexually) interested in.
Poking someone often indicates that you're either flirting with the idea of adultery or you're flirting with the idea of seeing how far you can go with someone. This often means the “poker” is being seduced by the enemy as the enemy attempts to bind him. “Or else how can one enter into a strong man's house, and spoil his goods, except he first bind the strong man? and then he will spoil his house” (Matthew 12:29). Remember, the only way Satan can come into your house is if he seduces you out of it, binds you while you're in it, or blinds you while you think you're in it.
Question: If you think poking is harmless fun, do you poke other dudes? If you were walking with the Apostles, and Peter poked you, would you not be concerned?
2. Commenting on the photos of strange women; especially photos that are considered “sexy.” Okay, so this is where your testosterone level goes up and your voice deepens. “What's wrong with commenting on a woman's photo and letting her know she's beautiful to me? If my wife can't handle that, then maybe she needs to go and find herself another man!” Let's step back for a moment to actually consider your wife. Even though it may seem harmless to you, such behaviors could not only hurt your wife's feelings, but it could also humiliate your wife. Believe it or not, women think differently than men, and a woman who posts up a “sexy” photo did so to get attention. Women like that often tauntingly comment about how one woman's husband is flirting with them...live. A wife not only wants to feel that her husband only has eyes for her, but a wife feels especially loved when you display that behavior to the whole-wide world. This means, you refrain from behaviors that would make her feel threatened, whether publicly or privately. As the head of the house, you must always remember to keep strife out of your marriage. Anytime you allow pride in, it brings its girlfriend “strife” with it, and the two make out on your cold bed. Sure, your intentions may be good, but remember what the WORD says in 1 Thessalonians 5:22: “Abstain from all appearance of evil.”
This behavior often indicates that the husband (you) is trying to find some kind of happy medium between being married and being single, but there is no such place. Additionally, anytime you find yourself being tempted to act like a single man, please be aware that the enemy is seducing you out of your marriage, if even for just fifteen minutes, so he can come into it.
Question: If the mother of JESUS (Mary) was alive and on Facebook, would you posts the same comments under her photos that you do under the photos of other women? What about that older, fully clothed woman? Do you go under her photos and leave comments like “sexy” or “hey you”?
3. Making inappropriate comments under the photos of other women. What comments are inappropriate, you ask? Here are five, to name a few:
- “Sexy” or “You're sexy.”
- “Inbox me.”
- “You're thick.”
- “Jesus” or calling on the name of the LORD in vain.
- Finally, swearing (the use of profanity) is inappropriate period, especially under a woman's photo, as it indicates that you are lusting after that woman.
Always remember that you must abstain from the appearance of evil. Additionally, remember that you are a mirror who casts a reflection. If you tear down your marriage with your actions, your wife will tear down the marriage with her hands. In other words, if you act like a fool, your wife may do foolish things, and the two of you will become matching fools struggling to be in love. You are commanded to lead and cover your wife, not to expose her to the works of your flesh and the spirits that seduce it.
Such behavior often indicates you are no longer considering adultery or flirting with the idea of adultery, you've already committed adultery in your heart, and now you want to commit the physical act. Regardless of what you tell yourself and your wife, inappropriate comments are disrespectful to you, your wife and the woman whose photo you've commented under.
Question: If your Pastor were to comment under your wife's photo with the words, “Sexy woman. Inbox me,” would you not be ready to expose him as a worker of iniquity? What if some little boy came under your daughter's photo and made inappropriate comments? You'd probably be ready to part his hair with a golf club; right? Okay. Remember that the woman who looks so delicious to you has a FATHER who art in Heaven, Holy is HIS Name, and HIS Kingdom has come. If you wouldn't conduct that behavior in Heaven, don't do it on Earth.
By the way, one of your friends just posted up a “sexy” photo of himself. Would you tell him how sexy he is?
4. Inboxing other women for no other reason but to dialogue with them. So, you're trying to open up the lines of communication with a strange woman, and you don't think that looks “suspicious?” After all, inboxing her is an open invitation to get to know her and for her to get to know you better. Aren't you married? Why would you think it's okay to start inviting strange women into your life and your marriage? Let's be truthful with ourselves, if but for a moment. If you're engaging in this behavior, you are flirting with the idea of adultery; right? Maybe you haven't imagined a full-blown sex scene involving you and the woman you're inboxing, but you do want to see how far you can go with her. That's why the LORD specifically addressed you about your mind's eye. “But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart” (Matthew 5:28). You're probably saying, “I haven't lusted after that woman! I just thought she was interesting, and I wanted to get to know her better! What harm is in that?!” The truth is, the word “lust” doesn't necessarily mean you've thought about rolling around between the sheets with another woman. It means to inappropriately desire something or someone that is not yours. At the same time, you must always remember to respect your wife and your marriage. Telling GOD that you divorced because your wife would not give in to the idea of you having inappropriate dealings with other women is like telling the LORD that you weren't faithful to HIM because HE would not allow you to have a beer with Satan from time-to-time.
This behavior often indicates that you are being led by your flesh and are refusing to follow the lead of GOD'S SPIRIT. Again, you want to see how far you can go with another woman, and this behavior alone is adulterous.
Question: Would you inbox your Pastor's wife to “shoot the breeze” and not fear being shot by your Pastor or one of the “Peters” on the ministry team?
5. Exchanging phone numbers with other women on and offline with the intent of getting to know them better. So, there's this beautiful woman who has some pretty interesting statuses, and you think she'd be fun to know. Everyday, you come online and see one of her witty responses or her beautiful photos. You're curious; the hunter in you has been awakened. In your mind, you tell yourself that she'd probably make a pretty cool friend, but in your heart, the truth sits silently, imprisoned by the lies you've told yourself. You make sure wifey doesn't see you giving your number away. You store your new friend's number in your phone under a man's name to throw your wife off your adulterous trail. After all, she'd probably have a jealous fit and blow things out of proportion. Five weeks later, you're leaving the hotel room with the woman you've exchanged your number with, and you're wondering how things could have gone so far? Let's keep it real. Satan lies to you, just as he lies to other men and women. You may have bought the lies, but it's always easy to know if something is right or wrong if you know you can't sell those lies to your wife, your Pastor or the LORD. If you have to do something secretly, chances are, your heart's motives are NOT right. Yes, you could lie to yourself as you peel back the layers of who another woman is until she's finally naked, but why would you allow temptation to take you to a dark place just because you say you have the light of CHRIST in you? Dear Judas, you can't betray the one you love and expect not to hang yourself.
This behavior often indicates that adultery is sitting in your heart, and you keep trying to mask it and call it by another name. You won't be delivered until you call it out by its true name and repent to GOD.
Question: Would you be okay with your wife giving her phone number to strange men on and offline? Would you be okay with your wife trying to introduce you to a man she's befriended online? Finally, if you have exchanged numbers with another woman, do you call her in the presence of your wife or do you wait until the wife is long gone or deep asleep? Your answer exposes your intent.
6. Liking inappropriate photos. We've dealt with commenting under inappropriate photos and commenting inappropriate comments, but what about liking inappropriate photos? Where's the crime in that? After all, your online buddy looks pretty nice in that derriere shot she took of herself? What about the woman who seductively places one of her fingers in her mouth and stares into the eye of the camera as if to invite you into her bedroom? What's wrong with liking her photo? The photo has intent. When that woman placed that photo online, she had a purpose for that photo, and if the photo is seductive, she posted it up to seduce men. When you come along and like that photo, you are saying to her and the whole world that you are one of the men who's been seduced by it. After all, her glare caught your attention, and you weren't thinking about having a prayer session with her when you saw that photo. You were thinking about quenching the very spirit you see in her eyes because that spirit is offering to quench that adulterous fire in your loins. You want her, and it shows.
This type of behavior often indicates that you are not a one-woman man. You've submitted to the idea of adultery, and you've submitted to the spirits behind adultery, and now, you're trying to convince everyone else (including yourself) that your intentions are good, when they are not. You must seek to be delivered from that lust before it destroys your marriage. All the same, having lust in your heart indicates that you've turned your heart away from GOD far before you turned your heart away from your wife. To repent means to turn your heart (and focus) back to HIM.
Question: Your wife takes a seductive picture of herself doing a split and posts it on Facebook. Every man in your church (including the leaders) comes along and likes the photo. Would you continue your membership at that church or would you try to borrow GOD'S wrath for a few hours while you went out and tried to strangle every church member with his own necktie?
7. Posting up photos of yourself with two or more women as if you're the “pimp of the century.” Oh how it is every (worldly) man's fantasy to be surrounded by multiple women who are all there to satisfy his selfish desires! To give off the appearance that you are living that dream may reassure your single friends that “you've still got it” and show your married friends that you are still the hormone-raging king of your warp-sided castle. And your fantasy came true.....Well, almost. While on vacation in Hawaii (or maybe in the backyard at Uncle Jay Jay's barbeque), more than one “hottie” crowded around you just as Uncle Jay Jay was aiming his camera in your direction. It turns out that one or more of those women weren't at all shy (or respectful of your wife), but your wife sucked it up and you took the photo. Once Uncle Jay Jay showed you that still photo of yourself with those beautiful women leaning in, you couldn't resist asking him to send you that particular photo. Oh yeah...and you ask for the photos of you and your wife too...so she won't get mad. Once the photo is emailed to you, you start breaking Internet speeds trying to get to Facebook and post it up. You've finally made it. You finally look like the player you secretly wish you were, but why is the wife scouring at you? Why did she just delete you from her friend's list? It's simple. You disrespected and humiliated her. How so? You showed her and everyone on your friend's list that she's not enough for you. You opened up your heart and showed the world that the skeletons in your closet are all female and they all died trying to please you.
Such behavior often indicates that you haven't truly lived out all of your fantasies or you are still engaging in evil communications.
Question: You're married to GOD, but you take a selfie of yourself with Buddha, Isis and a bunch of other pagan statues. Would you wonder why HE was upset with you? If Hell was your doghouse, would you dare do anything to be put in it?
8. Cropping your wife out of photos or presenting yourself as a single man. Okay, we get it. It's no one's business that you are married...right? Your wife has her Facebook page and you have yours, and you think it's tacky for the two of you to show off photos of you together. But here's the truth: A house divided will not stand. In your presenting yourself as a single man, you are telling the enemy that your house is divided and you're not satisfied with the woman you have at home. Guess what the enemy's going to do after he sees that? He will begin to rock your already unstable foundation. It is everyone's business that you are married, and believe me, your wife wants you to shout it from the mountaintops. Not because she's insecure, but because love is like a lamp. You don't cover it up unless you have hidden sins in your life that you fear the light will reveal. The only time it's okay to crop your wife out of a photo is if she asked you to do so because she didn't like that photo of herself. Other than that, you should always be ready and willing to declare your love for one another from the highest mountains or write it in the sands of the deepest seas....or at least post it online for the world to see.
Question: If you saw a picture of you and the LORD, but HE'D cropped you out of the photo, would you not tremble and wonder where you stood with HIM? Why would HE be ashamed of you? As a matter of fact, HE warns us that anyone who is ashamed to own HIM, HE will be ashamed to own before the FATHER. Don't you think that same rule applies to you not openly claiming your wife?
Of course, this list doesn't cover even half of the un-husband-like behaviors that are inappropriate, but it does cover some of the commonly committed offenses done against one's marriage. Marriage is like a blueprint, and everyday, you are handed a brick to build on the plans GOD has given you. If you use that brick to strike your marriage, it won't survive. As the head of the home, you will find that GOD has called you to lead, but there will be times that you will want to follow your flesh. It was hard enough leading your flesh away from destruction, but now, you're responsible for leading an opinionated wife (like Sarah) and the children you've had with her...and that's tough. It's like going from bench pressing fifty pounds to five hundred pounds in a week, and being expected to lift all that weight everyday, but here's the blessing in it for you: If GOD gave you a weight to carry, HE gave you the strength to carry it. After a while, if you don't resist, you'll find that the five hundred pound weight is a lot easier to lift. You'll be stronger and you'll have more endurance. The trouble isn't oftentimes that the wife has too many don'ts that you want to do; the trouble is that you are resisting the will of GOD for your life and marriage. Remember, resistance doesn't always build strength; sometimes, it tears muscles. Why are you resisting HIM? The answer is: your flesh, your communications and what you've been taught. For example, if you believe that listening to your wife means she's taking the lead in your home, then you have wrongful thinking. GOD told Abraham to hearken (listen) to the voice of Sarah (his wife) when she told him to kick Hagar and Ishmael out. GOD didn't tell Abraham that to torment him. GOD told Abraham to listen to his wife because a house divided will not stand. GOD told Abraham to listen to his wife because listening is one of the characteristics of a great leader. After all, HE listens to you when you pray and make petitions before HIM. GOD told Abraham to listen to his wife because where strife is, there is every evil work. So, what's your reason for not listening to your wife? Present it to GOD and be willing to lay your pride by the wayside when HE answers you.
Be honest with yourself. It is the only way you can be set free. If you find yourself lusting after other women, don't try to intimidate and then muffle your wife's voice. Intimidate, overcome and muffle the voice of your flesh and the devils that are seducing it. Additionally, never add women to your social media sites who are on the prowl for men, unless GOD leads you to do so with the intent of being a light to them. In cases like this, it is always good to involve your wife in any communications you may have with other women. Of course, you should NEVER reach out to other women UNLESS GOD told you to do so, and if HE told you to do it, HE will also tell your wife. But if a woman reaches out to you and she is looking to be ministered to, politely inform her that you will be connecting her with your wife. That way, no confusion is birthed, the appearance of evil is avoided, and if that woman has any ungodly intentions for you, she will run at the sound of your wife's name or voice.