For the past year or so, Twilight star Taylor Lautner's career has been on a meteoric rise: he acted as the figurehead of the "Team Jacob" movement, signed on to star in Stretch Armstrong, appeared on a slew of magazine covers with his shirt off (and not once did he ever catch a cold), and committed himself to about a bajillion other upcoming films all as a result of the most recent Twilight film's success. Abduction is the first of those films, and the trailer's just arrived. Wanna guess how this one's going to turn out? Read on, my gentle Examiner readers...
Because the release of the Abduction trailer is being covered here at Comedy Examiner HQ, you can probably guess where this is headed.
Taylor Lautner's been acting for awhile now, but it was his work in last year's Twilight: Eclipse that really lit a fire under his career: he was the "Jacob" portion of the "Team Jacob" movement, revealing his abs to bring hope, love, and happiness to girls without prom dates, lonely housewives, and overweight chicks with werewolf fetishes the world over. As a result of his stunning, meteoric rise to fame, Hollywood signed him up to appear in a bajillion upcoming films, some of which actually sound like they might not be all that awful. Abduction-- whose trailer has just arrived online (see it on the left if you wanna skip the commentary)-- is not one of those films.
Abduction appears to be the bastard lovechild of The Fugitive, Hannah, and the Bourne franchise: good-looking teen runs from mean, scary old people while bullets fly, techno thumps, and cars flip over one another. The fact that the film looks enormously derivative isn't as troubling as the fact that Taylor Lautner's got the same damn facial expression in every shot of this trailer. I mean, look at it: no matter what emotion he's "expressing", he's always got the same eyes-half-hooded, slack-jawed, glowering leer on his face.
And somehow, they convinced Sigourney Weaver and Alfred Molina to get involved in this. John Singleton directed. Here's the full plot description, just in case the Abduction trailer on the left isn't doing it for ya:
What would you do if you found your own picture on a missing persons website? Teen Nathan Harper (Taylor Lautner) finds himself facing this very dilemma. Setting out to uncover his real identity, Nathan quickly learns his parents are far from who they say they are. When the police, government agents and shadowy figures start to pursue him, Nathan’s quest for the truth erupts into a full-blown “Bourne”-like man-on-the-run thriller.
Stay tuned for more on this one as it gets closer and closer to having its way with tween girls this summer, folks.
Stay tuned for more funny videos, news, reviews, interviews, and more from Comedy Examiner HQ in the near future, folks. We've got all manner of nonsense to keep you informed and entertained during the week, so hit the 'Subscribe' button up top to get all future Comedy Examiner articles delivered straight to your inbox, free of charge, the moment they're published...including any Abduction-related future updates.
Comments