TV's 25 Best Xmas Episodes - #19 - Futurama: 'Xmas Story'

Television network executives are known and revered for their courage, integrity, imagination, acumen and flawless taste. NOT!!! Only in some alternative universe could a network suit truthfully boast of possessing those qualities.

So when the brain trust at the Fox Network (the same bozos that axed Firefly after just 10 episodes) heard that Futurama creators Matt Groening and David X. Cohen did an episode involving a homicidal Santa Claus robot, they were so scared of offending the sponsors that they panicked like girly men and shelved the episode for a year before finally allowing it to air.

Directed by Peter Avanzino and written by Cohen, Xmas Story (originally broadcast on Dec. 19, 1999) begins with Fry (Billy West) looking forward to his first Christmas in the future (“Every Christmas my mom would get a fresh goose for goose burgers and my dad would whip up his special eggnog out of bourbon and ice cubes”), but he’s in for some surprises.

As he sits around with his co-workers, Leela (Katy Sagal), Bender the Robot (John DiMaggio), Dr. Zoidberg (West), Amy (Lauren Tom), Hermes (Phil LaMarr) and Professor Farnsworth (West), they bring him up to date on how much Christmas has changed in the last 1000 years. For starters, it’s actually called “Xmas,” pronounced “Ecks-mass.” Also, after dark on Xmas Eve, people lock themselves into their homes because Santa Claus (guest star John Goodman) is now a deadly robot.

Farnsworth: Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company built a robotic Santa to determine who'd been naughty and who'd been nice and distribute presents accordingly. But something went wrong.

Fry: Wow! 2801! Anyway...

Farnsworth: Wait, you fool! Due to a programming error, Santa's standards were set too high and he invariably judges everyone to be naughty.

Amy: If he catches you after dark, he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors.

Now, the only one even more lonely and depressed than Fry is Leela who, being an alien Cyclops, is the only member of her species on earth. Fry decides to cheer her up by buying her a present, so he heads for a local shopping mall and asks for help at the information desk.

Fry: There's this girl who I really like, but she thinks I'm a jerk. Can you help me?

Clerk: Yeah, there's a suicide booth in the food court. Though there's a line this time of year.

In the meantime, Bender sees a story on the TV news that there’s a shelter for homeless robots giving away free booze and he’s so in! After he drinks the shelter dry, he and some of his fellow robots go out for an evening of caroling and stealing.

When Leela hears that Fry is out on Xmas Eve shopping for a present, she goes to his rescue. They eventually hook up with Bender and his pals, but it’s too late! Santa Claus is coming to town!

Santa: Fry and Leela, you've both been very naughty! I checked my list!

Fry: Well, check it twice!

Santa: I perform over fifty mega-checks per second!

You’ll be relieved to hear that Fry, Leela and Bender survive their encounter with Santa and end up with their friends happily ever after in time to sing a popular Xmas jingle:

"He knows when you are sleeping/He knows when you're on the can/If he sees you he'll blast your ass from here to Pakistan/Oh you better not breathe/You better not move/You're better off dead/I'm telling you dude/Santa Claus is gunning you down"

Futurama: Xmas Story is available from Netflix (Volume Two, Disc One) and Amazon.