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TV critic lambastes Seinfeld and other possible David Letterman replacements

Jerry Seinfeld on The Tonight Show
Photo by Theo Wargo

Prompted by David Letterman’s announcement last week that he’ll retire sometime in 2015, South Florida-based television industry analyst, David Leone, on Saturday went on a “replacement rampage” urging CBS to consider replacing Letterman with an unknown talent, rather than defaulting to the stockpile of late night wannabes

“Here we go again, said Leone. “Rampant speculation as to who will replace yet another departing late night talk show host. I’m weighing in as a de facto representative of the American TV viewing audience. We don’t want anyone famous whose name is being mentioned as a possible replacement for Letterman ... especially Jerry Seinfeld, and any other comic whose name starts with the letter 'J'.”

Leone is incensed about the potential list of replacements for the departing Late Show host.

“Adding insult to injury, the names being bandied about are the usual suspects who ALWAYS pop up on a list of late night wannabes,” said an angry Leone. “Like the perennial list of presidential candidates that never seems to change, no matter how discredited, depraved and/or incompetent these politicians have proven themselves to be, their names live on as potential candidates, if not their reputations for sleaze.”

Leone doesn’t shy away from some of the big name talents on the reported Letterman replacement list.

Tonight Show failure, Conan O’Brien, The Late Late Show’s Scottish import, Craig Ferguson, foul-mouthed Chelsea Handler (who never met a sexually-oriented comment she didn’t like), Louis C.K., Jerry Seinfeld (please, nooooo!), Jon Stewart (please, double nooooo!), the ubiquitous Tina Fey, and others round-out a list of has-beens, never-weres, not-agains and who cares, all in the running as Letterman replacement candidates,” said an incensed Leone.

Leone believes that America has an ample number of talented unknowns who can host a late night show just as well, or better, than those better-known celebrities being touted for the job.

“In a country of roughly 300,000,000 people, are there not truly funny people out there who could successfully host a late night talk show other than Jerry Seinfeld, Jon Stewart, et al?” asked Leone. “Do we have to default to the stockpile of overexposed industry mainstays such as Jerry Seinfeld and Jon Stewart who we’ve seen countless times before? How about an unknown funny guy or girl? Maybe a farm hand from Iowa who really knows how to deliver a line or a baby cow? Or a secretary from Sacramento who can take dictation or give great show notes?"

So who exactly should replace Letterman?

“ANYONE who’s funny AND of whom nobody has yet heard,” answered a confident Leone. “I just ask of CBS President Les Moonves that he reach outside his comfort zone, his black book of ‘Who’s Hot Today,’ - Jerry Seinfeld and Jon Stewart - and proffer a really novel and entertaining choice.” Leone, resigned to the late night status quo, quickly added, “Not gonna happen.”

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