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Trying to improve your marriage? Do Not Judge!

Heart Shaped Shadow
Heart Shaped Shadow

Unkind words are often the act or result of one person judging the actions of another. The idiom of “The pot calling the kettle black” immediately comes to mind. Whether the pot is seeing its own flawed image reflected back from the clean surface of the kettle or both the pot and the kettle share the same faults, the point remains the same. The Lord said in (Luke 6:37) “Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven”. Imagine how many conflicts could be avoided by simply adhering to what Christ asks of us.

Does your spouse make you angry? Do you feel like everything they do is wrong?
It can be difficult to consider your own shortcomings when you’re trying to point out those of others? A pretty clear point is made in (Luke 6:41) “Why do you see the speck in your brothers eye, but fail to see the beam of wood in your own?” Jesus laments in (Luke 6:46) “Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and don’t do what I tell you?” If you obey God and you hold back judgment, you may find that your marriage is a much more peaceful and nurturing place. A place where you want to explore and grow together with your spouse rather than a place you resent being a part of. It’s no secret that your spouse already knows their own faults and by obeying God you’ll find that your spouse can’t help but share their needs with you.

Conversely, has your spouse been upset with you or do you feel like you’re the focal point of all their frustrations? It can be difficult to show restraint when your actions are being judged. Some thoughts to ponder when you find yourself being judged include (Proverbs 15:1) “A gentle response turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.” and (Proverbs 15:28) “The heart of the righteous considers how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things”. Both Proverbs give us a clue on how we might respond to others. Don’t be quick to anger and remember who your judge really is. Don’t forget to pray to God for guidance, or even better, pray together with your spouse for God to guide you both.

As you travel down the path to become holy you will share many vulnerabilities and intimacies and because of this intimate knowledge within your relationship, your spouse can be a very easy and unfortunate target. The irony is that you’re probably doing as many, if not more things wrong in your own life and when you judge you’re starting a battle. If one isn’t careful one might quickly find themselves in a very undesirable situation and lamenting why they didn’t offer up the other cheek.

By putting God in the center of your life, you can properly nurture your marriage and it can serve as a conduit to growing faith, hope, and love. Your spouse may be won over by the way you live.

If you are serious about your marriage and you love God, then do as He asks. It’s pretty clear that judging creates conflict in all relationships and in marriage it can be devastating. How can one who sins, be a fair judge of others who sin? Why anger when others judge you, when you know your judge is above all others. At the end of the day give thanks to the Lord, for each other, in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ.

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  • Alden Marshall, Knoxville Religion and Spiritualit 5 years ago

    Great article. I want to add that we need to be much more irritated at our own sins than the sins of others. It is also important to pray as David did, that God deliver him from hidden or secret sins. Often they are hidden even from ourselves!

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