After the excitement is gone, sleeping with the boss may
not be worth the turmoil.
Photo: Aurileide Alves

Every day workplace pundits pontificate about what employees should and shouldn’t do and writers, like myself, write up their opinions with quotable quotes in the hopes that somehow all of this information helps someone sitting at their desk. But some of the best office lessons don’t come from the experts—they come from everyday employees who are knowledgeable because they are on the frontlines of the workplace battlefield. And I love hearing their stories and will ask people to send me their workplace experiences from time to time. Here are some of the stories about various topics that I collected since I began writing this column in June.

Sex with the boss: After the David Letterman scandal broke, I asked for stories from people who have had sexual and romantic relationships with their bosses. As you can imagine, not too many people wanted to fess up about these relationships—even though I gave them the option of anonymity. This story was particularly illustrative of how some bosses prey on their employees and make them too vulnerable to leave an unhealthy relationship.

I had a two-year on-and-off affair with my boss. I was working at a college in Santa Fe. My original supervisor left and the college hired my new boss. From the time he was hired, it was only a matter of weeks before we first slept together, even though he was married and his wife was quite beautiful. It was taboo and dangerous and that made it sexy. Our affair continued for two years and during this time he got divorced.

We did not do a stellar job at keeping our affair secret from coworkers. The sexual energy between us was intense. People must have been able to sense it at meetings. If we weren't sitting next to each other, we were positioned to be able to communicate nonverbally. To me, it seemed that if people didn't know my boss and I were having an affair, they just weren't paying attention. Nonverbal communication is a dead giveaway when it comes to office affairs. If two people start communicating more with their eyes than their words, they're probably sleeping together.

Eventually people's suspicion seemed to ease into an unspoken acceptance of presumed fact and there wasn't much to hide anymore, it seemed, because nobody cared. Just when I thought we were ready to go fully public, I found out that he had simultaneously begun an affair with a 22-year-old student who worked in our office. She was more than half his age and the same age as his daughter. Moreover, she was a virgin before he came along. When she and I learned about each other, that he was having an affair with us both, telling us both he loved us, promising us both trips to Paris and India, we drove to his house one night to confront him.

He didn't have much to say in his own defense. He admitted everything, and even arrogantly said he wouldn't be made to choose between us. Later, he told me he really wanted to be with me, ultimately, but that he really needed "this" right now—meaning her. He asked me to wait for him while he finished out the semester with her. I handed him my resignation and moved to another part of the country. Their affair continued for the next five years.
–A.M.

Related Reading:
I bedded my boss: Stories of sex in the workplace

The worst job interviews: Although we are all told to put our best foot forward during a job interview, some people just can’t manage to make a good impression. I asked hiring managers to give me examples of some of the worst behavior that they have seen—and these candidates went above and beyond to ensure that they didn’t get the job.

The one that never fails to amaze is taking a personal cell phone call in the interview and continuing to talk—about plans for the weekend! It would be one thing if it had just happened once. Or the girl who had to dig to the bottom of her purse—completely unloading it on my desk—to find her resume, which was printed on lavender scented paper and wadded in a ball at the bottom of her purse.

Then there was the person who wrote expletives in the blanks of his application—things like "bite me" and such in the blanks reserved for such mundane items as "phone number" or "education." When I brought it up in the interview, he became belligerent and borderline aggressive. He had to be removed from the premises!
–Jill Evans Silman, Vice President of Meador Staffing Services

Related Reading:
Part One: Job interview horror stories
Part Two: Job interview horror stories (continued)

They say it’s your birthday!: Birthdays can be fun, or embarrassing, depending on where we spend them. Most workplace birthday celebrations are mildly inconvenient with a cake and a sing-a-long, but one birthday cost a company a lot more than confections and a day off.

Birthday celebrations in the workplace used to be as simple as buying a cake and singing “Happy Birthday” for each person. When the staff is larger, the birthdays are more frequent and with everyone counting calories, this tradition may become one of the past. I have seen some groups doing a free day off on your birthday, which is appreciated by the employee and better on everyone's budget and waistline.

A few years ago, a key member of our staff was celebrating a birthday. Well-liked by all, someone bought him a huge cake, we gathered around his cubicle to sing to him, everyone got a slice of cake and dispersed back to their desks to tend to the demanding workload going on. The birthday boy was left with the cake and the cake knife on his desk. Big cake, big knife. He wiped the frosting off the knife and placed it in his rolling bag, figuring he would take it home to wash and return to the person that brought it.

About two days later, birthday boy was going on a business trip with another staff member. I received a call saying he had been arrested at the airport. I thought it was a joke. Apparently, he forgot about the knife in his bag until airport security pulled it out. He was handcuffed in the middle of the airport, taken to jail, spent the day in jail and was charged with a felony. Unfortunately due to the size of the knife, they were required to arrest him. We scrambled to find the name of a lawyer for him. After several months and lots of legal fees, the charge was reduced to a misdemeanor and I believe a $10,000 fine. It was like the birthday gift that just kept on giving.

We abolished birthdays.
–Kim Lockhart, Regional Vice President of Spherion Corporation

Related Reading:
Part One: Birthdays in the workplace
Part Two: Birthdays in the workplace (continued)

Part Two: True stories from the workplace 2009 (continued)