Skip to main content
Report this ad

See also:

'True Blood' depicts blood soaked massacre at Ted Cruz gala

Ted Cruz escapes death in 'True Blood'
Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images

Apparently the writers of the hit TV series “True Blood,” which features vampires and all sorts of other mystical beings living in and around the fictional Louisiana town of Bon Temps, seriously do not like Republicans in general and Ted Cruz in particular. Sunday night’s episode climaxed at a gala held at the George W. Bush Presidential Library to honor Sen. Ted Cruz that turns into a blood bath. Some spoilers may follow.

The previous season had featured a human conspiracy to wipe out vampires with something called “Hep V,” the center of which was a former evangelical wife named Sarah Newlin. The plot went horribly wrong by releasing hordes of dying vampires ravenous for human blood. Ms. Newlin, on the run from just about everyone, live and undead, surfaces at the gala to ask her mom, apparently a Republican heavy hitter, if she could get Laura Bush to help her out.

Mom replied that the former first lady had stopped taking her calls when it was revealed that Newlin had created a race a monsters that were terrorizing half the country. It is nice to know that in the “True Blood” universe that there is something that the Bush family has not been blamed for. Perhaps the media consensus is that the Tea Party was to blame.

In any event, two vampire characters, Eric, the 1000 year old Viking vampire who is infected with Hep V, and Pam, his foul mouth, acerbic progeny, has infiltrated the gala in search of Newlin and some payback. Pam, who was dressed to the nines in this purple, sequined dress, admired herself in the mirror (in the “True Blood” universe vampires can do that) and exclaimed that she was now a “Republo----“ Upon entering the party, she mentioned that it was the most disturbing thing she had witnessed in about a century.

Boring would have seemed to have been a better adjective. None of the guests of honor, certainly not Senator Cruz, had shown up yet. There were just a few guests standing around chatting with a huge picture of the former president smiling from the front wall. Things changed very quickly when a hit team from the Yakuza showed up.

The Yakuza were sent by the Japanese company that manufactures a drink called True Blood which nourishes vampires without recourse to human hemoglobin. Newlin had used the drink to spread the Hep V virus. Hence the Yakuza was sent to hunt her down and kill her.

It was fortunate that Cruz nor any of the other guests of honor had shown up yet, as the Yakuza were quite indiscriminate in who they gunned down. One wonders what the Japanese company thought of their hired hit team killing members of an important American political party. In any case, the Yakuza did not get Sarah Newlin. Eric did. What he does with her will not doubt be revealed in subsequent episodes.

This is not the first time Cruz has had a shot taken at him in an episodic TV series. An episode of “The Blacklist” photoshopped a picture of Cruz and former Congressman Allen West at dinner with a villain character. One wonders if Cruz is getting paid for these cameo mentions and what will come next.

Report this ad