How many times have you thought, “Things should not be like this in a marriage.” Maybe that question is even followed with “but he/she will change” does this sound remotely close to feelings you have had. “But they’re a good person deep inside” bla bla bla, how many times have you said that? “Trust your own instinct. Your mistakes might as well be your own, instead of someone else’s.” ~Billy Wilder.
That is some food for thought, what are your instincts telling you? The point here is not necessarily to run out for the closer divorce lawyer you can find, although that is usually one’s first thought. Does anyone ever consider counseling first anymore? The label “toxic” means something that drains life and energy. Before you know it, you can weak and feeble, subject to the whim of the person to whom you have given power.
Has the relationship that you’re in the most debilitating and unhealthy, leaving feelings that you are not taking care of yourself spiritually, mentally, or physically or even emotionally. The other person constantly puts you down as not good enough. They mock your personality, and you feel ashamed most of the time.
You only feel pardoned when you take on the traits of the person doing the condemning or judging. This is not healthy behavior for either of you. You have feelings, too, but the other person won’t hear them. You’re unable to have a two-sided conversation where your opinion is heard, considered and respected. Instead of acknowledging your feelings, they battle with you until they get the last word.
How can a couple live like this, truth is, they can’t. At some point…there is a breaking point and counseling at this point won’t even be considered. Every day brings another challenge. It seems as though they are always raising gripes about you. Their attempt to control your behavior is an attempt to control your happiness. And guess what, your whole family can see it.
The try and try to help but it just may be mask your spouse has convinced you that really need to make it as a couple on your own. No this, your family just maybe actually trying to help. But, you don’t feel free to speak your mind. You have to put on a different face just to be accepted by that person. You realize you don’t even recognize yourself anymore, and neither do your closest friends and family.
You may feel an internal heart felt desire to reach out to friends and family but the consequences far outweigh that desire. My word you need to feel stress and anxiety from simple though of reaching out to family, makes no since, unless of course your family is more toxic than your marriage. Which could explain why you’re in a toxic marriage to begin with.
It is what you know, so you have borrowed the family dysfunction and now have begun to allow it consume your marriage. But let’s say you decide to “take a stand” and begin setting goals, what happens? Whenever you aim to grow and improve yourself, the other person responds with mockery and disbelief. There is no encouragement or support for your efforts.
Instead, they keep you stuck in old judgments insisting that you will never be any different than you are now. If you’re experiencing even just one of these issues, check in with yourself to see if the relationship is doing more damage than good. Evaluate the relationship and what it’s worth to you.
Yes, a married couple should become one team but you shouldn’t lose your individuality in the process. Do any of these scenarios sound familiar to you? Don’t want until you have had your fill and head for the big “D” try some things first.
If you find that your spouse says no to counseling, maybe…just maybe, they don’t deem you or the marriage worth the effort. One thing for sure is one should not have to lose total self in order to make a marriage work. “I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone.” ~Robin Williams.
More marriage articles: http://www.examiner.com/marriage-in-wichita-falls/jack-lopez