When we display undaunted courage, unflinching commitment, and undisputed high ideals, we offer encouragement for those who might be questioning their own ability to find individual resolve. At some time or another, we have all played the role, (be it small or great) of HERO (the person who intervened and ‘saved’ his/her life) to someone. Often times, heroic acts are perceived as unselfish acts of valor. Instantaneous responses of unconscious honor and unprecedented duty which go beyond what may be expected or even thought possible inspire us. We marvel in awe, as the activated ingrained personal ‘need to help and be of service’ soars to unbelievable heights while the hero places limb and life on the line. No doubt, our self-concerned society needs and thrives on selfless passion. That’s all well and good when and IF it could stop with unconditional acts of random kindness with no thought before, during and/or after. But what happens when the self-righteousness enters the valiant playing field?
How is that possible? One might staunchly ask? Since no self-righteousness can be involved in a spur-of-the-moment innocent act of bravery or it would interfere in the action. “Tis true, no time for superiority to enter one’s mind in the moment of thoughtful, kind, helpful reaction. Yet, based upon the ‘mania of hoopla’ associated, (throwing one’s world out of balance due to the praise, adulation and gratitude) the congratulated, respected hero may begin to feel worthy and deserving. Again, nothing wrong in experiencing those emotions, for a spell, but when the identification lingers long after the event, trouble ensues. The celebrated hero slips into a ‘living in the past of one isolated incidence of glory’ much to his/her chagrin. Emotional balance, though ‘natural and convenient’ to one’s healthy, strong and productive state of mind, remains difficult to achieve and maintain. We must ever be vigilant, watching for the culprit of high-mindedness to enter and seize our tranquil affairs.
Whenever we begin to believe our acts, (no matter the intricately entangled details of circumstances), are due to some admirable trait belonging to us singularly, we regress. The same dissolving of character occurs anytime we form determinant beliefs, whether they be, conservative or leftist, religious or secular, or business-oriented or artistic, the deciding moment of separating ourselves from others has begun.
What do I mean? I mean, because we are vulnerably human, we easily take on an attitude of having done something special, noteworthy, out of the ordinary; more importantly, we falsely assume WE, not the act itself, was/is special, unique and important. What happens, once the commendable act has lost its appealing flavor, or in other words, fades from the immediate memory of others, we tend to want to replay the sensation of justified recognition. The cherished recollection, due to an eagerly obsessive need to feel exceptional, exaggerates itself into mammoth emotional proportions which then distort livable reality. We fall headlong in to the pit of separating, judging, and evaluating. These unsuspecting feelings arise out of a deep longing to be accepted, loved and appreciated. In other words, we want to KNOW we matter.
Instead of the incident building confidence, a sense of rewarding happiness for having been in the right place at the right time, we begin to feel inferior and let down. We certainly don’t like the notion of ‘us against them’ but IF we don’t receive the accolades we think we deserve, we grow bitter and contrite. Unfortunately, at the time of our notable incident, we experienced ourselves as magical; as if we could have and would have fixed anything wrong in the world. Problem is: nothing ain’t wrong! Oh! No. What in the world did I just say? That’s right. Our deified place on the planet, masquerading as a human being, does not include the job description of saving the planet, the people in it or any other laudable episode. On those rare occasions when it appears as if we have ‘created a miracle’, or, at least, participated in it, was simply another day of ordinary events in an extraordinary world of inexplicable cosmic affairs. We can never take credit anymore than we can assume blame.
It’s so easy to allow self-intoxication to set in. We want to believe we KNOW what’s best for others and ourselves including the world in general. Not so. All that we can know for assurance when these instinctive defensive feelings arise is self-righteous contempt. Contempt for others not paying homage to us for what we have done. “How dare they not know how important, sweet, caring, smart, helpful, responsible, courteous, and compassionate I am?”
The very same derogatory premise applies to the definitive so-called reasonable role mothers enact. Too many untold complications, problems, disassociation and estrangement result from a mother’s unwavering insistence their children conform to their particular way and means of living. Children tend to want to make their mothers a hero in their lives and when they, because they too, are infinitely human, disappoint them, the children rebel and retreat. Moreover, sometimes, the child’s self-sabotaging expectations are so enormous; the mind-splitting divisions are never resolved. Up until the point, when the mothers die, and then the children invent, ascribe and attribute all sorts of exaggerated saintly qualities, which were never a part of her in reality, thus, adding to the morbid depression and regret associated for not having fully appreciated, understood and honored her while she was alive.
No doubt, mothers have it rough in the best and worst of times. But that’s just the way it is in the land of needy, dependent, clutching, insecure human beings who want and need to be thought of as decent, good and compassionate people. Primary foundations are built and destroyed simply because we need to believe fantastic tales instead of acknowledging/accepting and embracing the extraordinary in the mundane aspects of our lives. What can we possibly do to dethrone our need to promote ourselves and others connected to us? (Remove the hero worship) Cease identifying with the sought after grand schemes. Life is grand enough in and of itself. Then, the accumulative need to de-ass will be eliminated.
Mothers can be, like all others, wonderful people if we don’t inflate them, focus on what they could be, should do and/or have done, along with their significance in those areas. “People”: operative key word; we must constantly remind ourselves, not saints or villains. Once, again: always, remember, balance. When we exalt anyone, be it ourselves, mothers or strangers, (the proverbial heroes), it’s difficult to relate to them in any realistic way. People we place on pedestals can never be involved with us, nor can we ever effectively expect to communicate with them. It’s enormously difficult to interact with someone so-high-up, who never comes down from such a lofty pedestal. When would he/she ever pee?
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