As a single father that is exploring the world of dating, I have come up with a list of reasons she may not be ready to engage in a healthy committed relationship.
Even though this article is for men to read I encourage you ladies to read this as well. There may be some things that will open your eyes next time you are wondering why the man you’re seeing is frustrated with you.
Every respectable man knows it is hard to put yourself out there. Sometimes the process of finding a lady that is ready to commit can be frustrating. I guarantee you about 90 percent of them are not ready. 1 out of 10 women you date will actually turn into something that lasts more than two weeks. Hang in there and read these tips. They will save you some time and weed out those that think they are ready but are not.
I will be using a bit of tough love here. So if this sounds harsh I apologize. Some of these most are afraid to mention. "How dare you" you say. Yep I am going here because it is just the truth.
1. Those darn exes!!!
By far this one is the most frustrating one out there. This is also one of the greyest areas out in the dating universe. You are on a date, her cell buzzes, and you see the name "Johnny" brightly flash across the screen. She quickly turns her phone upside down. You ask her who it was. She says, "Oh it is just a friend." You let it go. A week later after a night of stargazing you find out Johnny was an ex she dated right before you.
Often times this is turned around on us guys when we question it. You defend this friendship with your ex and often turn it around on us men saying we have "trust issues" for being concerned or questioning it. Ladies, it is not cute or polite. You are the one creating the trust issue here.
Keeping the exes around is a subconscious backup plan. When things go bad with your current boyfriend, you turn to your exes shoulder to cry on. All us men know that a left over bond with your ex can turn into other things. You are playing with fire here. An old flame can turn into a big fire.
You may genuinely be just friends with your ex. But think about this. If you are in regular contact with your ex (other than if children are involved) then maybe you should consider being with your ex. A healthy romantic relationship involves two people. Not two people and an ex. It is ok to say hi every now and then. Regular contact though is bad news. If your ex cannot respect the fact you are in another relationship then he is not a respectful gentlemen. If you fall for taking him back just prepare to be disrespected yourself.
You need to move on to build trust. Don’t expect trust from a man when the other one is still in the picture. As much as we men like to hide it, we do not find it attractive. Pick one. You cannot have both to maintain a healthy relationship. Most men do not maintain friendships with another woman unless they want them back or have other evil purposes in mind. If your ex was a best friend and still is after your breakup, that is ok. They maybe you should consider being with your best friend as that is the person you should commit to.
2. The Great Independence Movement
Ladies, we all know you do not need a man to be happy. We do not need to be reminded of that. In fact it is a turn off when we are told this. It tells us you have too much going on to commit even though that may not be the truth.
We love the fact you are an independent woman. We know that the word "co-dependence” makes you cringe. Try looking the word "Inter-dependence" up in the dating dictionary. It is absolutely essential for a healthy relationship. This does not mean that you have to give up your independence. But it means you have to open up your life to insert someone else in it. No-one needs a partner to survive. For a relationship you have to want someone to be there for you, someone to talk to or lean on during a bad day, and someone to be your best friend and share life with.
If you are too busy to fit another person in your life or you never have time then maybe you should put out some fires or just not consider dating. Time is essential for getting to know someone and to build a healthy relationship. If you have no time together, simply put, you have no relationship.
Does your friends and family know about this wonderful man you are with? Or do you have him hidden in your pocket for no-one to see? Do you make an effort to call him?
If you do not acknowledge you are with him then simply put...he is not your boyfriend.
Guys, I am going to make this quick and painless. If you are not a PART of her life, if you are doing all the chasing, do yourself a favor and say NEXT.
Ladies, you should be exited about him. Never be afraid to let him know that. This builds trust. It keeps other predators away. Most of all it gives him the opportunity to know who you are. To us men this is priceless.
Cornflakes is a term I use to describe a woman that is there sometimes, but mostly not. These are the women that treat relationships like a game. I also call them “poofers” or “game players”.
Flaky women are just annoying. If you’re not interested just say so. Usually a flaky woman is not done with her single freedom and exploring other options.Guys, if you are experiencing this it is always one of three things. First one is she could be married or has other options in mind. Second, she is just not interested or you’re her backup. Third, Your on her friend zone list.
These are also the women that never think about you. She tends to spend more time with her girlfriends than you. Also, you are not toward the top of her list.
Either way it is best to just steer clear of these women as you are the last thing she is interested in. Out of all these, this one is the single biggest time waster out of them all.
A favorite German and a Polish dish come to mind on this one. That’s right, I went there, the over abundance of guy friends issue.
While there is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposing sex ladies, an over abundance of them is a serious red flag when looking for a committed relationship.
Also a woman with no girlfriends makes you wonder if there is a lot of drama. Usually a woman with no girlfriends represents someone that has less maturity and often times attracts drama. Simply put, a mature woman can curb drama and maintain friends with both sexes just fine.
It is a great quality that you can kick it with the guys. But it is also a turn off if you cannot be a lady.
A woman with too many guy friends also can cause confusion and drama in a committed relationship. It is also a good indication that she is not ready to give up her single freedom. Again, most men do not maintain a close friendship with a woman unless there is a reason. This one and reason # 1 go hand and hand. A few healthy friendships with the opposite sex is not a bad thing. Just make sure they understand and respect the fact you are in a relationship. However, too many of them are a sure red flag of bad things to come.
Keep in mind these are all the top reasons she is not ready to commit. These are not the top reasons she is not ready to date. That is next week.