Emotional affairs are very real. They are perhaps, the most devastating types of affairs as they involve feelings, desires and wants- which can sometimes be damaging than just a purely sexual encounter where feelings are not involved. The biggest problem with emotional affairs is that the involved spouse/partner can feel like they are doing nothing wrong because there is no physical contact involved. But their partner can feel just as betrayed, cheated and hurt in the wake of an emotional affair as they would in the wake of a sexual affair.
So what are the signs of an emotional affair? As with any other affair, an emotional affair has its own warning signs, here are five signs of you might not be aware of.
You say things to a friend that you wouldn’t if your spouse was present there.
Probably one of the biggest indicators that you’re involved in an emotional affair. If you hold conversations with a friend on a regular basis that you wouldn’t be comfortable with in front of your partner, or are flirty with your friend, but wouldn’t be willing to act the same way if your spouse were present, then it could mean that there is more between the two of you than just friendship, and you might be unwilling to admit.
You share personal and intimate thoughts about your marriage or relationship.
If you are revealing to your friend everything about your personal problems at home with you partner, then this is a big indicator. What you are doing is creating a unique intimacy with the friend and cutting out your spouse at home.
When you establish that you are negatively talking about your partner with another person, then you are setting up an emotional and close relationship and an opening where your friend can move in and fill the needs your partner isn’t. If you therefore realize that you are sharing your unmet needs subconsciously to see if your friend will meet them, then this is a sign of emotional affair.
You are at “your best” around your friend
If you always ensure that you are at your best to see a friend, whether well groomed or at best in your conversations, then this could mean that you are more invested in your friendship with them than you should be. Being at “your best” does not necessarily mean the most attractive you, but just going out of your way to show them how funny, sympathetic, kind, wise or charming you are could be an indication that you are involved in an emotional affair.
Communicate with your friend at weird hours
If you start contacting your friend in the evening or late in the night, then you are to some extent, crossing the line. If you find yourself texting a lot on weekends, then you are no longer just friends. You should consider refocusing your attention and become honest at these situations.
Additionally, if you are always waiting for a call or texts anxiously, constantly checking your phone and responding immediately, then this could be a sign of an emotional affair. You may be emotionally involved with your friend than with your partner. Ask yourself- Is there more to your friendship than you want to admit to your partner? Are you being honest with yourself and to them?
You start testing the waters
You are waiting to see how far you can take the sexy banter. It is a fun thing to tell dirty jokes once in a while, and it might be okay at times to send your friend some sexy YouTube music videos, depending on the context. However, think about why you are doing it, and be honest with yourself.
Is your intention to test them to gauge their reaction? Probably they are telling you what you want to hear, and as such, you are pushing the envelope to see how things go with them. It can be exciting to ride at the edge, but also very dangerous and disgraceful to your lover/partner.
You spend time with your friend and keep it a secret
You might rationalize spending time with your close friend as spending time with just another friend. You may feel that your spouse doesn’t necessarily need to know about the details. You may even write it off as a platonic friendship that you cannot share the details of it. But if your partner asks you where you are going, you say “to see just a friend”, without specific details such as sex or any other details. This could mean that there is more than just friendship between the two of you.