20. Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is Repealed: Obama makes good on his campaign promise to allow openly gay soldiers to serve in the military.
19. Protests Erupt in Russia – Putin Still a Badass and Will Likely Be Re-elected President: Despite a significant number of voting irregularities, Putin’s ruling party kept a majority control of the government though margins are much smaller. Russians have taken to the streets in protest, but thus far, Putin is still likely to be re-elected President next year. In addition to his loyal base, authoritarian pimp hand, and ability to manipulate election outcomes, Putin also has one of the best propaganda machines in the world.
Here he is casually discovering some ancient artifacts at the bottom of the ocean. Here, China awards him a peace prize for his slaying of anti-government citizens in Chechnya and here, check out the techno-inspired video ad of two-hipsters getting it on in a voting booth after pulling the lever for – you guessed it – Vladi PuPu.
18. Michelle Bachmann Illustrates Why Newt Gingrich is Known as the ‘Historian’: Bachmann stated that she would close the U.S. Embassy in Iran (which does not exist), claimed the American Revolution occurred in New Hampshire (it occurred in Massachusetts), compared herself to a serial killer, and continues to insist that John Quincy Adams was a founding father. At the most recent debate she insisted that all of her facts are accurate causing Twitter to fail as the Internet engaged in a collective moment of e-laughter.
17. Sarah Palin Gives the Short Version of Paul Revere’s Ride: Riding through New Hampshire like a wild cowboy shooting guns into the air and ringin’ bells, Paul Revere warned the British that we were armed so they better be packin’ major heat. Word. (See video inset left)
16. Herman Cain Wants to Phone a Friend: When he is not being accused of lewd sexual affairs and sexual harassment, Herman Cain flaunts his heavy-weight foreign affairs credentials by discussing the recent crises in Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan. And don’t even get him started on Libya…seriously, he has no idea what you’re talking about.
15. Rick Perry’s Gaffes: What a disappointment Rick Perry turned out to be for the GOP and the Tea Party. He was leading a state with the highest increase in jobs in a stalled economy and touted narrow Christian views while proclaiming his desire to do away with all sorts of federal departments and programs – a 2011 conservative’s wet dream. As it turns out, Rick Perry is gaffe-prone, as well as an uncharismatic public speaker, a terrible debater, and arguably dumber than George W. Bush.
Here he is forgetting that the legal voting age in the U.S. is 18 (not 21), and here he is forgetting one of Obama’s recently nominated Supreme Court Justices, as well as the number of justices that sit on the court. Here he is at a debate discussing the 3 federal departments he would eliminate, except he forgets one prompting this hilarious tweet from Nancy Pelosi. And who can forget when he referred to Solyndra - the bankrupt energy company – as a country. Here, Perry attacks gays in the military while wearing the jacket from Brokeback Mountain and here, Rick Perry appears to be under the influence of something. The list could go on, but I have other news stories to cover.
The death of Rick Perry's presidential hopes also dashed those of the GOP who witnessed the prospects of winning back the White House slowly slipping away; and the ‘anybody but Romney’ campaign resumed.
14. You Paid More Taxes Than GE: There is disagreement over the actual figures and whether GE was eligible for a tax refund as reported by the New York Times, but we do know that for earnings purposes, GE paid an effective tax rate of 7% - compared to other large foreign-based multinationals like Mitsubishi, Siemens, and Phillips, which paid 40%, 31% and 26%, respectively. There’s still a good chance that you paid a greater proportion of your income in taxes than GE.
13. The Audience at GOP Presidential Debates: They booed a gay soldier; happily cheered for child labor since restrictions on sweat shop owners is for socialists; and those death panels that republicans were so terrified of last year? Who needs a panel when we can just “let him die!” Here, the audience cheers with glee over the high number of state-imposed deaths occurring under Rick Perry as governor, and finally, a round of applause for torture. I bet 90%+ of that audience self-identifies as Christian, too.
12: Widely-Cited Climate Change Skeptic Completes Koch-Funded Study That Confirms Global Warming is…Wait for It…REAL: Robert Muller is a prominent physicist who was sympathetic to the concerns of climate skeptics so he conducted a study that was partially funded by the climate-change denying/oil-peddling Koch brothers. Muller’s findings were nearly identical to those reported by the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, which suggest rapidly increasing temperatures. The models that currently predict the rate of climate change via projected CO2 emissions indicate more extreme weather, which includes extraordinarily hot summers, violent thunderstorms, as well as serious snowstorms. So please, don’t be one of the idiots posting to my facebook newsfeed some variation of "it snows, therefore, climate change isn't real."
11. House Takes a Symbolic Vote to Repeal the Affordable Care Act: Speaker Boehner knows that the vote will get no action in the Senate, but he also knows that most Americans will see the headline “House repeals healthcare law” and assume that Obama’s death panels have been defeated (see #30 above).
Voters are beginning to experience benefits from the health care legislation. Victims of Medicare’s ‘Donut Hole’ are realizing significant prescription savings and 2.5 million young adults have coverage thanks to the clause that allows them to stay on their parents’ insurance through 26 years old. Congressman Paul Ryan proposed a Medicare voucher program that would shift healthcare costs from the government to old, retired people and democrats tested the effectiveness of the issue in a NY congressional race that ultimately went to democrats. The Tea Party dies without a whimper.
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