10. They are not obsessed with plastic surgery. Comedy isn't pretty. Pity laughs are appreciated.
9. No smug acceptance speeches at awards shows. Which also means no Kanye interruptions.
8. They are never in fear of the paparazzi. Because there aren't any in Texas, which happens to be a concealed weapon state. Coincidence? You decide.
7. They usually won't try to get charitable donations out of you - unless it's for their bar tab. If they try that, make them tell you jokes for tips.
6. They will add you as a friend on Facebook. And then they will comment on your status updates, as if they were really your friend.
5. They are very low maintenance - Evian water is not a requirement, tap works just fine. (Beer works better.)
4. They can handle rejection in front of a live audience. Many of them get lots of practice being rejected privately, too.
3. They sound the same live as recorded. There is almost no lip-syncing involved.
2. They will never carry a purse dog - unless they think it will help them with the ladies. (See pity comment above.)
1. No one cares, or really wants to know, who they are sleeping with - as long as they don't wake you up with the sound of their begging.