Poor Dale Earnhardt Jr. hasn’t had a season to be thrilled about so far. With only one top-five finish, NASCAR’s most popular driver has endured criticism from the media and his fans. I thought it might be time for a little tongue and cheek…
So here are the top 10 reasons Dale Earnhardt Jr. has yet to win a points paying Sprint Cup race this year…
10. Frustrated that he still can’t figure out how to work his TiVo. Keeps missing episodes of Desperate Housewives.
9. Nervous because his publicist Mike Davis and his wife just had a baby, they might ask him to baby sit and changing diapers just ain’t his thing.
8. Due to budget cuts Hendrick Motorsports was forced to cut back some essentials and finding a good masseuse on his own is tough.
7. His sponsor requires that he consume nothing but Amp Energy drinks and he only sleeps four hours every seven days.
6. And also related to his sponsor, he has to go to the bathroom more than them old guys in the ‘Flomax’ commercials.
5. Miss Sprint still won’t return his calls…stupid restraining order.
4. Disappointed that ‘Bingo Night’ at the bar he owns, Whiskey River, was a bust.
3. Even more disappointed when ‘Topless Bingo Night’ didn’t work out because his misguided cousin and crew chief Tony Eury Jr showed up without his shirt on and scared everyone away.
2. Upset that Dancing with the Stars hasn’t called. What’s that dang Helio fellow got that he hasn’t, anyway?
1. Still miffed that NASCAR won’t let him put an MP3 player in his racecar…no tunes, no wins.
Comments
hmmmm, well its the best article i have read about jr winless streak! Thanks for the humor!
priceless! don't laugh too hard, reasons #7 and #6 may really be true!
I think Jr will get a win this year. He did have a bad start to the season but if you look at it, he is climbing in the points while Kensith with 2 wins is dropping.. Wins arent everything.
Reason #11 - Because he's JR.!
greg-i owe ya a apology,my bad.second reading was funny-go #88
ok my bad,read your article again and the 2nd time was funny-sorry bout that greg.
your "new friend" Pat
In the first place the article was not funny even If I were a Kyle fan. In the second place, Jr is not being criticized by the majority of Jr fans. Most of the minority are criticizing Tony Jr. Maybe you can wrap your brain around the truth.
I don't think it was funny.
JR is not drinking amp he going to sleep on pit stops as he drives byzzzzzzzzzzz
This is the most stupid thing I have ever read. It was not funny, far from it. There are 42 other drivers out there why does everyone have to write about every move that he makes. Get a life and leave JR alone.
Hey Greg, How about you getting in a stock car, then we will make fun of your driving.....until then leave Jr. alone!
I for one, will be a fan of Jrs, win or loose. Its now how you win that is important, it is how you play the game.....and Jr. is a class act!!
well i am a jr fan and love to laugh but this was really not funny , now if you would have had something like 1 reason--nascar won't give skanky or married pitliazards away as trophy's . or because cot is nothing like a go-cart.
try asking jr fans for top ten reasons we can give ya some funny ones , we make them up every weekend....
Greg, now you done it!
More proof fans of Jr. and many other drivers are thin-skinned and apparently humorless.
Come-on give it a rest, the article started with humor as the premise. It's not about 42 other drivers, or Tony Jr, it's just a satirical look at the possible cause of his victory drought.
I like JR. I like to laugh. I love to have fun. This article was neither. Not funny, not even enough to make me go "HA". Keep trying and someday you will be able to accomplish your goal. Oh did I mention you are a "retard"?? Well the shoe fits, so put it on and enjoy your pathetic life..
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