When my son was about one, I took a walk with him perched on my shoulders. It was a lovely park setting, and my attention was diverted to a couple flirting. He was robust and strong, built like an ape, and she was a pretty young thing. I noticed how he reached towards her, and how she practically giggled under his attention. Then before I could turn, they began to copulate in plain view of all.
Did I mention he was built like an ape? A silverback to be exact, and the pretty young thing was one of his many female companions sharing a home at the world famous San Diego Zoo. Their behavior was eerie to watch because it was so human-like.
That memory sticks with me, in part because it was comical, and also because I've since then had this sneaky feeling that we could learn from our ape-cousins, the 'bonobos' perhaps most of all. Once upon a time they were called ‘pygmy chimps’ because they resemble small chimpanzees. And like the chimps, they share close to 98% of their DNA with humans, and much of their behavior is similar to ours. But the bonobos have a unique social structure and method for keeping the peace. First, theirs is a matriarchal society, which means to ladies lead the pack, and second, they have sex. Lots of it.
The bonobos have found the solution to world peace. It’s called love. Whenever there is a dispute, they resolve it with a good bout of nooky. A bit of masturbation here, a little tickle where it feels really good there, and soon the tension is relieved. Have a problem? Not after you’ve had sex, bonobo style. And if you have any doubt about female satisfaction, the slideshow should relieve your worries. These apes know how to swing. Wink wink, nod nod, grunt grunt, sigh.
For them, making love is a common as a handshake. In the wild, they are mostly a peaceful, satiated bunch.
Now Modern Love is not suggesting that we become a matriarchal society (although some balance is still very much in order around the world), nor am I suggesting that world leaders start mounting each other at summits for peace. That just is too strange for my imagination. But I do think our monkey mates have been offering us a silent (except for the happy sighs) message.
If the bonobos could talk to us, they’d tell us this. Enough with your wars, your violence, your gang rapes. Enough with hurling insults and bombs. Give up your need to dominate and harm. Sit back and relax and remember this: you can’t have too much (consentual, age-appropriate, partner-approved, non-coercive, mutually satisfying) sex, but you can, and do have, too much war.
Its funny, in a way. But it's also sad. Such a simple idea, even monkeys get it. When will we?
Related columns:
The sensual massage: it does a yoni good
The sexiest part of a man's body
Self-pleasure: daily dose of love
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All Modern Love Examiner articles ©2009 by Tinamarie Bernard; reposts permitted with link back to original article. All other rights reserved.
Comments
Your commentary on the slide show is great! And I love learning something new -- 98% of our DNA. Happiness / R
and reported as such. The slideshow is disgusting.
Reported? Disgusting?
How about funny and forwarded? Where's the sense of adventure? This is a slideshow of man a few thousand years ago.
The behavior of the bonobos make a good case for the old "make love not war" slogan of the 60s. If we spent more time in bed and less time on the battlefield, we'd have little to fight about. Alas, the US is a belligerent bunch of people. We started this country by violence. We formed this country by violence. We secure this country by violence. We enliven this country by violence. We love violence more than sex. We're more offended by sex than violence, as Highly Objectionable demonstrates ha ha! Anyone believe a slideshow of war violence would have been "highly objectionable?"
Dear Rita, BT, Victor - thanks for having the right frame of mind to appreciate this column. You know that we can do our best, but never please everyone, and some folks will find insult in the face of love if it doesn't comply with their particular understanding of it. So simple, the monkeys get it, but alas, when will we? ;)
We can't get it for the reason that female humans sexually select differently to their female bonobo cousins. Most (human) males would love to live in a society in which they could just walk up to a random attractive girl and get a kiss and a cuddle as a mark of a politeness. It ain't ever going to happen because women are programmed, like female chimps and gorillas, to only give their sexual favours away after evidence that the male they give them to is domianant and aggressive and will protect her for the time it takes her to rear any resulting children. Rather than scientists building sex robots, they would be better served changing the genetic make up of women regarding their sexual behaviour, which is outdated in a modern society which has free and easy sexual contraception.
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