I was playing a computer game and the concept of this game is similar to Bejeweled, accept you are using fruit and the tasks are a lot harder. Now as the concepts get more difficult, the game will give you game booster to use, which is nothing but a ploy to get you to buy more. I enjoy the games, however I refuse to spend money in order to beat them so I cherish these boosters, even to the point of not using them. I always think,”What if I use it and then I lose?” The issue with this is that they give you new ones every 24 hours, but I simply did not want to let this booster go. I would lose as many times as I needed to, in order to not use the advantage, that was given in order to help me win.
Suddenly I became aware of my actions and I said to myself, “What are you doing?” 1. It’s just a game and 2.You will get another booster, if you use this one. I had to laugh at myself, because my actions and thought process at the time was silly. I was hoarding the object that would fulfill my purpose of beating the game. I then began to think about other things in my life, that I have held on too with the death grip. I have done this with clothing, bought a cute outfit or some shoes, and the items just sit in the closet. My rationale I am saving this for when I go somewhere! Heck I go places all the time and this outfit still has not been worn. Here I am waiting for the perfect opportunity to wear the dress, and all my opportunities have came and went.
This bit of quirkiness is so comical to me now, but it wasn't a couple of hours ago. Part of this behavior could be due to my upbringing. Certain clothing could not be worn until a special occasion arose, and often time the occasion never rose and the clothing never worn. Also growing up I did not have a whole lot and when I did get something it was not very often, so I tried my best to cherish and ration whatever I had. However, what I failed to realize is how much was being wasted with this hoarding behavior.
I missed plenty opportunities to be a giver. I've wasted time looking for the answer when I was holding it, the whole time. I wasted money replenishing items that were never used. I kept my mind in bondage, because I would not let go of that which I really did not need. There were some things in my life that were only meant for a season, but I tried to keep it for a lifetime. I was too busy listening to the negative “What ifs?” I was allowing myself to be choked by the spirit of poverty.
As I continued to reflect further, I realized that there has been nothing in this world that I have used or given, that has not been replenished double. There is nothing that I have that I can not receive more off and by partaking in this hoarding fashion, I was cutting off my own blessings, desires, and dreams. Well on today, I declare that I am opening my hands, and I will be searching my repertoire fervently for the gifts that I already have. I will give freely in every aspect of my life, and I will not be cautious in using that which means me well.I will stop waiting for special occasions, because everyday is a special occasion and everything I have is needed in the world right now.
*Kisses and Blessings*