(For part one of this article, please click here.)
The family sits around in the dark to tell ghost stories, but just winds up screaming at each other so loudly, the on-screen captions even start to argue. Finally a train breaks up the screaming match, and Mama gets to tell Honey Boo Boo’s story about the “fart ghost,” the ghost you smell before it actually scares you. That leads, of course, to someone farting and the room clearing.
Next the family goes to Kackleberry Farms to have some holiday fun.
Chubbs: Kackleberry Farm, we’re gonna rename it to Cankleberry Farm, because my Mama has cankles. Cankles is like when you’ve got overlapped meat. Like, you can’t see your ankle. You can’t see it. You can’t tell where your foot begins and your leg ends, or your legs ends and your foot begins.
The family goes into a corn maze, complete with trivia questions to help them find their way, which of course leaves them lost. Eventually, Mama has to go to the bathroom so she goes into the corn maze, and does her business.
Mama: I had to do the old-fashioned like, drip and dry and shake it, you know? Shake it three times.
Finally Honey Boo Boo figures out, at great volume levels, how to get out of the maze. The girls jump on the pillow bounce while Mama makes fun of them for not wearing belts, and letting their pants sag.
From there, the family goes to a Halloween store to look at costumes.
Honey Boo Boo: Do they have a costume of bacon?
Out of the mouths of babes comes a great idea. I fully expect to see bacon costumes in wide demand next season.
Chubbs is afraid of frogs, so Sugar Bear puts on a frog costume and scares her, and she collapses into a rack of clothes.
At home, we find out Pumpkin has an eye injury and won’t be able to trick-or-treat. Sugar Bear tossed her his keys and they hit her in the face, which we’re shown with a pretty hilarious overdramatic reenactment. Honey Boo Boo brings her a “pumpkin patch” for her eye, and promises to go trick-or-treating for her.
For Halloween, they dress Kaitlyn as a hot dog, with Chubbs and Chickadee going as mustard and ketchup containers to match. Honey Boo Boo comes out in a kind of black and pink Goth vampire outfit. Sugar Bear comes out in an actual bear costume, which Honey Boo Boo adds a bag of sugar to, thus making him a true Sugar Bear.
Sugar Bear says Mama’s new blonde hair inspired him to order her a costume, and she comes out dressed as Marilyn Monroe.
Sugar Bear: When June came out as Marilyn Monroe, I instantly became Horny Bear.
Mama decides not to wear the costume, since it’s too revealing.
Sugar Bear: I got some hankering for some biscuit and syrup.
Mama: Hah! That damn biscuit is burnt!
Sugar Bear: Mmm. Black crust. It’s extra crispy, scrape it off and chow down.
Honey Boo Boo decides to just wrap Mama in toilet paper so she can go as a mummy. They go to the rich neighborhoods in town, and Honey Boo Boo hits the candy trail hard, collecting for her and for Pumpkin. Mama “inspects” the candy, which results in eating several mouthfuls.
When they get back to the house, Honey Boo Boo pours out what Mama refers to as an “assload” of candy, and some dental floss.
Honey Boo Boo: Who gives dental floss for Halloween? Some people are just plain crazy.
As the show ends, Honey Boo Boo pours some of her candy onto Pumpkin’s bed, which results in more yelling.
Next Sunday night, TLC will air the “Honey Boo Boo” Thanksgiving special. Presumably the Christmas special will air the following week.
Rating: four out of ten on a normal human scale, seven out of ten on a “Honey Boo Boo Sassified” scale.
-- Reid Kerr noticed that the cold-weather holiday seemed to keep a handle on the gnats. Follow Reid on Twitter and yell at him.