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Tipping...it's not a city in China!

You ever wonder, when you're out at a club or in a busy bar or pub, why the bartender responds better to some people and not others? Well, it can be explained in one word...TIPPING!!! I guarantee that even if your fav drink slinger is buried in "the weeds" 3 people deep at his or her bar, if you're a good tipper, that mixologist will circumvent everyone and claw their way to getting your drinks first. REMEMBER: tips is an acronym for "To Insure Proper Service." Now, the trouble is, lots of people know that tipping will get them served but don't know the proper standard for a "good" or "great" tip.

There are a lot of schools of thought when defining proper tipping. My belief is, when you first walk into a bar, drop your bartender a "fat" tip on the first round and then tip good the rest of the night. Also, if you happen to come back when they are busy and order a round for a bunch of people or shots that take up their time, hit 'em up with another "fatty" to show you appreciate them. They would certainly rather serve you than the mook at the end of the bar who keeps throwing them a dollar per round for himself, his date, and the couple with them!

A second method for tipping that is a bartender attention grabber is waving a large bill while standing at the bar. I can't believe how many times I have bellied up to a bar and waved a fifty while the idiot mannequins behind the bar were oblivious to me. However, the seasoned professional always ran up and took my order within seconds. Now a twenty will work just as well, I just like a fifty for effect. This signals to the bartender that you are there to spend money and tipping won't be a problem. Now if you follow this up with a $2.00 tip for a round of 5 your screwed for the night. One bad tip spoils the whole bunch of returns for a refill. If the tender responds and makes your drinks "fat and fast" kick 'em out a nice tip to show you recognize their efforts.

Ok, so now that you know the result of good tipping, let's define what encompasses a good tip.  First, if you follow the standard of 1/1 you can never go wrong. This means if you receive 5 drinks then the tip should be five dollars, a dollar per drink. Now, many of you scoff at this, thinking it doesn't take a lot to pop the top off of a beer bottle and you would be correct. Bottled or canned beer is the exception to the rule. If you order all beer (this does not include draught), then an acceptable tip is $2-3 dollars for the round of suds. For draught, the bartender takes time to ensure the head is just right, not too much or too little, and deserves a good tip just for that. You want all foam, tip crappy. This also applies to mixed drinks. The bartender who is being "taken care of" by a patron is more likely to be "heavy-handed" on that person's drink pour than on others. This also works in reverse. If you are NOT "hooking up" your bartender the drinks become weaker as the night goes on. They have to make up for the over pour on the good tipper's drink, so they take it out on your cheap ass!!!

The following is a chart to guarantee you are not screwing your server:

1 drink $1 especially if its shots or multiple liquor mixed drinks (draught is included although you can skate a little)

$.25 to .$50 per beer 'cause even if it is only popping off cap (lucky for you not in your ass) it still takes away from other tippers

Frozen drinks or multi-liquor shots, both very time consuming and a pain in the ass, frozen $2 and just "FAT" for shots; fat guarantees they get stronger as the night goes on which means you get more f--ked up!!!

If you're gonna go with my method, for a party of 3-6 people drop a $20 at the beginning of the night an tip minimally all night until the end. This will signal to the bartender that there is more where that came from and keep an eye out for you. As the number of your party increases, the amount of the initial tip should as well. Figure $10 per 2 people added.

Now, I have heard all the arguments against good tipping and tipping in general, and you know what? They all suck ass and are just excuses for cheap ass motherf--kers who should stay home. Lots of people say in this economy that tipping great is next to impossible. Well to this I say, if you can't afford to tip DON'T GO OUT!!! Go to the liquor store and have a house party! That way, you can tip yourself for cleaning up after the drunken slobs who throw up everywhere but your toilet, and leave their napkins, bottles, and glasses (both dirty and/or broken) EVERYWHERE including hidden places you have to hire the "In Search Of" to find. These folks work hard all night so you can have a good time. Let them go home at the end of your good time with a smile because you were thoughtful enough to fatten their wallet.

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