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Tiger's aftermath...Readers' Request...understanding infidelity.

From the desk of...
From the desk of...
photo courtesy of sheilasultani

Do tigers mate for life?  No.  Do we want to?  Most animals, even those once thought to, through observation, do not stand up to DNA testing of their offspring to support complete monogamy.  What light does this shed on human conventions (varying from culture and era)?...The real question may be:  DO we want to remain monogamous?

Many partners enter into a relationship with the expectation they will not want to stray, ever.  Oh hope spring eternal!  And that a perfect match will provide the motive to prevent it.  To turn a wonderful book title on it's ear, "Life is Short but Wide" and affords opportunities when we aren't looking.

Forgive yourself the thoughts and assess how vulnerable you are.  It helps if you can pinpoint why, but just get accustomed to yourself when you're feeling this way.  Learn to identify it.  Life is full of cycles, after all.  Some are worth riding out.

Other partners will themselves the "right" to satisfy their yearnings.  Who is to say what's wrong or right?  There may be an explicit or implicit belief that it's allowed within their relationship.  Will it take a practical toll on their committed relationship?  The answer may not be black or white.

As Michael Zaslow put it "I don't want to sell myself short...[but] you hurt your spouse, not so much by the infidelity, but by the negative feelings about yourself that you bring home."  His words raise questions of what issues contribute to the actions; the "why's".

Our people raised us and we simply must take it from there.

It can't be easy or we would not be regaled by knowledge of infidelities, past and present.  There isn't one soul in reading distance needing advice about what the sacrifices or the consequences might be, nor should accept recommendations to share every thought (let alone confession) on the matter of infidelity with their partner.

Look forward to decoding some of the "why's" in up-coming series on Mid-life conflicts.  Be part of the resolution by leaving comments and


  • Carol 5 years ago

    I've wondered if my husband seees someone and i don't want to ask.