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Three cocktails in but still waking up alone

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Samantha goes out on a typical Friday night with her girlfriends and the mind is set on finding a man. Does this sound familiar? How many women venture off throughout the week after a new conquest? How many fail? Samantha is no different from all the other girls and unfortunately has been out of the dating scene for two months. What is wrong? She isn't hideous, she isn't stupid and she has a job. The easiest answer to that question is her choice in men and the standards she has set up. She is a member of a group of women who objectify themselves as a sexual object, which only causes trampling over their self-esteem and sends them off to a non-dating zone.

Women are either very social or not but regardless of the situation they are always invited to go out. Samantha though is the type of woman that frequents the bar scene and is eying prospects while guzzling down a fruity sex on the beach. When she goes out she is all about living but the minute she orders that first cocktail her mindset turns into one of a hunter’s. Where are the men? A typical night out has just turned into a game of capture the flag; forget the girls night. The place itself is inhabited by a plethora of men who are with someone or are open for grabs. Samantha does feel adequate enough to succeed in this but why does she not achieve her goal? Every time she puts herself out there she is either: shut down, ignored, pushed aside, or not good enough to get an invite after some drinks. This happens to women all the time and the reason for that is that they aren't trying or decide to cheat their way in by using their sexual attributes.

If a man approaches a woman it's because he found her attractive, so he is going to hope that the woman will give him 2 seconds of her time to hear him out. Of course if the woman starts talking back she is obviously showing interest or is being nice; regardless the two are now engaging in verbal communication. Normally throughout this the man will offer to buy a drink and now that she has him talking she is going to need to really express herself before he becomes a stray. Most women are amazing at that and always have someone at their side but Samantha can't seem to generate that effect. She doesn't ask questions, she doesn't have feedback on his topics and all she can offer is a dance or a request for another drink. What if the he doesn't like to dance? What if he just likes to drink and chat? Those things don't seem to cross her mind which causes her to worry and that gradually leads to a downfall.

The whole interaction between both of them begins to simmer down and eventually the man will mention something about having to seek out his friends. Samantha already understands this pattern too well, especially when she sees him again throughout the night talking to someone else. This is when desperation kicks open the door and all the degenerates in the bar now appear slightly attractive.Whatever man looks her way is game; she will dance with anyone whether it's sensual or beyond raunchy.She will flirt and sell herself short to anyone who offers to buy drinks and subjects herself to any perverse groping on her body. So in the end what happens? Well girls like Samantha either make out with a slight portion of the men who want a new notch in their belt or they'll end up getting a special invite to meet up afterwards. Samantha's case is different, she is lucky if she even exchanges phone numbers with someone and even so they probably still won't be in contact unless they saw her as a potential 'booty call'. This woman is completely stuck on a vicious pattern which won’t help her grow, improve her self-esteem or meet a decent person; she needs a reality check.

There clearly needs to be a change in her atmosphere and a change in the social circle. The friends aren't the issue but where she chooses to meet people is the conflict. People who go to bars go to drink the night away, not to score their next bride. If she really desires a real man in her life then she needs to expose herself, go to other places, and be involved in activities with people who share similar interests or are out of her comfort zone. She should become worldlier so that she can have conversations with men about other subjects aside from “I like drinking and dancing”. Women like Samantha need to stop giving up, if they do go out and nothing happens then it doesn't mean that they have to find someone to sleep with. There is no issue with waiting; the right person will come around when they are least expected. Don't settle for Joe at the bar who has 3 kids and a crazy ex who sleeps with him throughout the week and definitely don't chase around men who have nothing to offer. The media makes women appear as sexual objects who must exploit themselves to get anywhere; it doesn't have to be like that and it one shouldn’t have to stoop to that level to get attention. Confidence is attractive and intelligence is sexy, with that no woman needs cosmetics to catch one’s eye; in the meantime enjoy that Mai Tai and have fun, that person will come around.



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