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Those hard topics to discuss with our parents

A hundred years ago would be 1914, which isn’t so long in the overall scheme of life in our world. What is interesting is the change in elder care. In 1914 most of our parents and grandparents lived with one member of the family or perhaps were shared with all family until death. After 1930, we began to see the influence of board and care with some nursing thrown in for good measure. Nursing care in residential setting for the elderly was driven by the depression and WWII. However, there was little regulatory measure until the very late 1950’s. And again families tried very hard to keep our parents and grandparents in our private homes due not only to money but also for what was seen as a substandard of care. We need to be aware.

Today we seem comfortable with either, however the one major concern which was missed in all of the last 100 years was to ask ‘What do you want?” of our relatives. How this missed the topic of lifestyles is a mystery, but few of the adult children in their 30’s and 40’s are enlightened as to the most important of lifestyle and care services our relatives want. The topics are uncomfortable and in many instances there is a total block as to how to begin the conversation. While there are some community leaders that have begun the shift to discussion for the most part we just seem to move along until a crisis happens and at that point we talk. It seems the family conversations would be more organized and provide a quality conversation if these discussions were done now rather than later.

The 40/70 tool is a special tool constructed to help propel us into a meaningful dialog. The subjects are not comfortable in our everyday lives. However, for us to give back to our parents the lifestyle and caring which they provided for us If you haven’t seen this tool just google 40/70 and there it is for your use, free of charge. If there is more information you wish and cannot find it go to This is a tool to rely on for now and in the future.

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