Monday: 24 (Fox) - Elisha Cuthbert returns for her bi-annual appearance on 24 as Jack's daughter. Although this is a cameo that no one asked for, the producers are kind of handcuffed in terms of bringing back characters. Cuthbert's Kim is one of the only people who's ever known Jack Bauer who is still alive.
Tuesday:
Colbert Report (Comedy Central) - NASA has announced they'll announce the name of their new space module on Colbert's show after his write-in candidacy obliterated the NASA suggestions. Does NASA have enough of a sense of humor to launch the "Colbert" into space?
90210 (FOX) - Diablo Cody guest stars as herself. Also, Tori Spelling's Donna returns to the show. Donna Martin graduates! Donna Martin graduates!
According To Jim (ABC) - Seriously? You're kidding, ABC. Don't you have any leftover Drew Carey Shows held back for a special occasion?
Wednesday:
The Cougar (TV Land) - One forty year-old woman, twenty underage suitors. TV Land steals a page from 30 Rock and actually films "MILF Island."
The Unusuals (ABC) - This is a show much like CBS's Numb3rs, because it seems like half of the cast is from HBO's Oz.
Thursday:
Bones (FOX) - The duo track a case involving a Norway death metal band. Because if there's anything that can help the ratings on a struggling show, it's a sojourn into the ever-popular world of Norway death metal.
Harper's Island (CBS) - It's a mystery, it's a thriller, it's a horror movie. If you've ever wanted to see Harry Hamlin reduced to a dying, bleeding torso, this is the show for you. Well, you and ex-wife Nicollette Sheridan.
Saturday:
Kings (NBC) - Macaulay Culkin guest stars on the show, which has already been universally presumed to be cancelled. Feel free to draw a line between those two things.
Sunday:
Celebrity Apprentice (NBC) - This one seems to get more random every week. Trump has fired people for drinking too much, volunteering to come into the boardroom, and having charges against them he seemed to be unaware of. It's like Trump's taking out some kind of personal issues on the cast.
Desperate Housewives (ABC) - The housewives reminisce about Edie. One of these days, someone's going to do the math and figure out that in the past five years, something like a dozen people have died on their block.
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