October 20, 2009
Photo by Jaime Ibarra
Many women have this set notion in their minds allowing them to believe that changing certain things (stuff that is not noticeable to anyone like eyebrow shape) will suddenly land them the hot guy in their Physics class. Chances are, the guy you are yearning for hasn’t noticed you due to the fact he either has a girlfriend, he’s married, gay, asexual or just not interested. Yet, a slew of date defying tactics continue to take place such as these:
Dousing yourself in perfume in hopes that the aroma's Victoria's Secret has to offer will swoon him right then and there. If Victoria had any sense, there would be a disclaimer on the bottle reading: do not use if single and emotionally unstable. May also cause brain damage to those around.
Stalking your crush online using Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, Megan’s Law, and whatever else you find him on. Studying and memorizing every bit of information, viewing all his tagged pictures, sifting through all the comments as well as status updates is very creepy. Oh, don't think this doesn't occur guys; if you are online, you are being researched.
Taking all the information you find from second hand sources and giving yourself a makeover in hopes no one will notice your new strange interests. Suddenly you are wearing a Van Halen T-shirt to class, your always curly hair is straight because he took a quiz saying he liked that and you are now a raging USC fan after seeing pictures of him at games.
Posting ridiculous status updates that you feel will get his attention yet never do.
“Misty Rivers is watching the Nostradamus Effect on The History Channel then off for a six mile hike!”
Really, Misty? Since when do you even tie shoelaces let alone watch anything other than My Super Sweet Sixteen?
Claiming yourself a charitable martyr by watching Invisible Children once (while reading Cosmopolitan and texting your friends), recycling what you think is recyclable and donating cans to classrooms; big whoop. People will be impressed when you cure HIV you saint.
Wearing next to nothing; no one wants to see your cleavage, your Wet Seal Thong, your lower back or even your collar bone. Put some clothing on. It's January, raining and not Prom.
Adopting an abnormally loud laugh sounding like something recorded and placed on a chip inside a stuffed monkey. Heightening your laugh over the voices of those around you to snag attention will only cause an awkward stir in the room . Everyone will be sure to mimic your laugh each time you are away from your desk from this day out. When groups of people disperse as you walk in the lunch room, you only have yourself to blame.
Talking poorly of other girls he knows to make yourself look like a goddess. Yeah, everyone knows Stacey is the office slut. Everyone also knows she is not really bald and has to shave her beard every day.
Claiming you love sports and every sport. Yeah, just let that comment slip during a night out in a sports bar which is where you probably hang out with your girlfriends on the weekend. Just make sure you are prepared for the slew of quizzical comments questioning names and positions on various teams. The Dolphins are a football team, not a competitive swim team.