Things we learned during the summer

Who says summer is no time for learning? I take issue with all the experts who tell us kids forget half of what they learn in school during their vacation; there is plenty of new knowledge that presents itself outside of the classroom. Observing the nuclear family in its natural habitat (lazy and without direction) my daughter learned the following:

1. It is entirely possible to stay awake until after midnight, and still wake up at 7 am in hyperactive mode.
2. After one month without school, your mother’s face has an interesting twitch.
3. After two months, her face just sort of freezes.
4. There is a direct correlation between summer vacation and daddy’s increase in overtime.
5. Cats are nervous animals.
6. Yelling at your mother will get you in trouble every time.
7. It is unreasonable to expect a pool outing after 10 pm. Except when the neighbors invite you over to theirs, and the invitation includes wine for mom & dad.
8. The maximum amount of times parents can hear the opening tunes of “Lazytown” without screaming: 23
9. The phrase “it was an accident” wears thin pretty quickly. Apparently.
10. There is no unwritten rule that kids deserve ice cream every day during summer vacation (but there should be).
11. Kids in commercials always seem to have more fun.
12. Bees don’t like you.
13. You should never allow your parents to go back-to-school shopping without you. As far as driving them crazy, this is like the jackpot.
14. Being grounded is not just for teenagers.
15. When you kick your brother in the shins, it is best not to leave a mark.
16. When your parents promise you the playground, and you start whining about wanting to go to the pool instead, you end up not going anywhere at all.
17. You don’t have to raise your hand during dinner. In fact, you don’t have to raise your hand at all. Suppress the urge until school starts back up.
18. If you wear your full school uniform in the middle of July because you miss your classroom, people will stare at you.
19. When your dad asks you where you want to go today, ‘Spain’ is not an option.
20. Worms do not belong in the fridge.

If you liked this article, please also try Story time: children who lie and the parents who let them, You put what in the toilet?, and Being sick and other fabulous adventures