The friend zone--a beast striking more fear in men than a 4400 lb great white shark. What exactly is the friend zone? Here is my favorite definition so far:
friend zone -- noun
"What you attain after you fail to impress a woman you're attracted to. Usually initiated by the woman saying, "You're such a good friend". Usually associated with long days of suffering and watching your love interest hop from one bad relationship to another. Verb tense is 'Friend-ed'."
source: Urban Dictionary, submitted by I Like Bread
In other words, the friend zone is a location given to someone who does not elicit romantic attraction but is kept around for other reasons.
There are two myths I feel exist about the friend zone. My first was supported when I looked at the first page of definitions of the term "friend zone" on Urban Dictionary (click here to duplicate the search). Of the seven definitions I read, only one of them acknowledged that women can be in the friend zone; the other six stated that the friend zone is given by the woman to the man. Women can exist in a man's friend zone; if a woman can vote, operate heavy machinery, and lead a business meeting, then she can surely be in the friend zone.
Second, I don't believe that there is such a thing called the "friend zone". I believe that the term "friend zone" exists for ragging on other people and selling self-help products. In my eyes, a person exiled to this area is simply not found attractive for romantic purposes. I feel it is also not a location a person can permanently be trapped; there is hope if unrequited love exists.
So how does one escape the friend zone? Check it out:
Go live life - Often times someone who is too available will be seen as clingy, prime candidates for being exiled to the friend zone. Collecting stamps or building wooden ships in glass bottles will occupy time, thus reducing the cling.
Try other people - My dad always told me that there is someone out there for me to love. Why waste time on someone who doesn't want to waste time on you? In the PUA community, a common term to give guys who are trapped in the friend zone is to GFTOW, or "go find ten other women". If a better woman is found, then that just sucks for the girl who friend zoned. Be warned though, since the friend zoner will likely experience regret and jealousy.
Make a move - Some people expect the other person to make a move. Some people are shy. Some people are just plain dumb. Whatever the case, check the reaction of the other person around you (you can do this by cold reading them). Try throwing out some innuendos, like these:
"This milkshake is like an orgasm in my mouth."
"Hey, my phone doesn't work. Are you good at turning things on?"
If the person doesn't get totally freaked out by these comments, there's a good chance that there's hope.
The friend zone is as much of a problem as people make it. For some, it is the precursor to the apocalypse in 2012. For others, it is a small hurdle in life. Whatever the case, take it as a learning experience and remember to never fall fully into comfort.
Learn the art of hooking fish, or forever be the master baiter.
Photo credit: Tom Curtis
Until we meet again,
Olin Gallet
New Orleans Pick Up Artist Examiner
odgallet@uno.edu
www.twitter.com/olintheexaminer
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