At some point, hopefully early in a marriage, you can begin to see how true the title of this article is. The more you come to understand that the sooner a couple a will begin to treat their marriage as such…a miracle, a gift. And like wise you begin to treat your spouse as such.
Healthy marriages are the greatest asset in God’s family and your local ministry. The Scripture states in Hosea 4:6 that “My people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge.” Some feel that that is exactly why some marriages fail, lack of knowledge of how to approach a marriage. Marriage is just like a new baby. Protecting it often starts before the birth.
The mother exercises, eats better and takes all those vitamins. Nurturing a marriage also begins way before the “I do’s”. Most churches are awesome at the birthing stage of marriage. Here, everyone is happy and celebrates the miracle of marriage. The first year of marriage is when couples are forming their ideas about sex, money, church attendance, children, work, tithing and many other large ideas.
Having mentor couples intentionally help the first year of marriage helps clarify values and manage conflict, which can grow this miracle towards adulthood and reach the goal of until death do us part. Threats to marriage are significant for today’s couples. Never before has the miracle of a marriage been so under attack.
There are some major battlefronts facing the marriages in the world today. Most marriages start with some healthy ambivalence but also with good intentions. Two people faithfully enter an arrangement seeking many unspoken, if not unrecognized, fulfillments. They may end up with blissful epiphanies or bitter struggles.
If an individual is expecting the partner to actualize his or her potential, that individual will frequently find that the partner falls short of that expectation, especially if the other is suffering from the same illusion. It is probably our idealization of relationships that causes marriage to be so vulnerable.
One has to establish a healthy balance. If couples did not expect marriage to be their ultimate source of satisfaction, they would not be so susceptible to its disappointments. However, if their expectations are too low, even the marital relationships of people who relate well will take second place to work (mostly in men), children (mostly in women), or some other primary agenda.
Marriage at its best puts couples in a confusing dilemma: the attempt to have a union with someone else while maintaining an independent sense of self. The more the individual is undifferentiated, the greater the conflict with the partner. Marriage is a fertile ground for individuation as well as for union, but first one must be differentiated, just as a prisoner who wishes to help free his imprisoned companions must first break out of his own chains.
Marriage requires attachment and individuation simultaneously, rather than sequentially, as it occurs in our early developmental years. It is often that marriages end in divorce just because one spouse or the other cannot find this balance of individuality and unity. At that point some are over taken by some need to set out on a quest in search of one’s self.
“It’s not you, it’s me” we have all heard that line, or “I just need to find myself”, many still are unsure of what that even means. Maybe, just maybe, if couples that are serious about marriage start treating it as a miracle, a gift way before the wedding day things will turn out different.
Marriage is a miracle, the concept of man and woman working together create one blessed life, when it works, is a gift. Many marriages have started with these words, “Today in the sight of God and these many witnesses we come to celebrate the marvelous miracle of marriage.
We come to share in this special time where these two individuals who were created by God have brought themselves together to acknowledge their love for one another as husband and wife.” May your marriage be blessed.
For other articles find me at, http://www.examiner.com/marriage-in-wichita-falls/jack-lopez
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