The Worst and Most Disappointing Movies of 2009 - Part II - Fort Lauderdale Movie

"Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" was one of the decade's worst films. Photo: Paramount

While not every movie on the “Most Disappointing Movies of 2009” list was a stinker, every film here is – how do I put it – dog s**t! Here’s an interesting fact: Seven of the ten worst movies of 2009 were released in the summer and five of them managed to gross over $100 million at the box office. Yup, that’s depressing.

THE WORST MOVIES OF 2009

Photo: The Weinstein Company

#10
NINE
Directed by: Rob Marshall

The most disappointing film of 2009 is also one of the worst movies of the year. Where do I begin? Is it the pointless nature of all the musical sequences? Or is it the emotionally-drained acting from most of the cast? Maybe it’s the “trying-too-hard for Oscars” nature of Rob Marshall’s direction. Maybe it’s the bored nature of Daniel Day-Lewis’ performance. Maybe it’s all of the above. Maybe dedicating so many lines to this film is a waste of my time. Moving on…

Photo: Overture

#09
LAW-ABIDING CITIZEN
Directed by: F. Gary Gray

“Law-Abiding Citizen” is a film that teases a great idea (the hypocrisy of the legal system) but then abandons it completely to become a generic action thriller. What’s worse is that it makes you sympathize with the lead antagonist rather than the protagonists – who are all made out to be selfish jerks. It's well-shot and definitely entertaining but completely preposterous, over-the-top and ridiculous for a movie that makes itself out to be something extremely serious.

Photo: 20th Century Fox

#08
X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE
Directed by: Gavin Hood

Let’s say the only good things in this laughably bad movie were stars Hugh Jackman, Live Schreiber and Ryan Reynolds, who was excellent in his two scenes. Other than that, “Wolverine” was a gigantic mess. Featuring giggle-inducing acting, cheesy visual effects and a cliché’d plot that was an insult to the comic book, “Wolverine” was a franchise-killer worthy entry in the X-Men series. I hear they’re considering setting the sequel in Japan next. I hope, for the sake of moviegoers, it’ll be better than this. I’m not holding my breath though.

Photo: 20th Century Fox

#07
ALL ABOUT STEVE
Directed by: Phil Traill

After not having a genuine hit in seven years, Sandra Bullock scored the two biggest hits of her career with “The Proposal” and “The Blind Side.” The latter film also earned her an Oscar nomination. However, hidden between those two smashes, she quietly released the embarrassing “All About Steve”- probably the worst film of the superstar’s career. I can’t fathom how Bullock could think playing a creepy and strange crossword-puzzle writing stalker was a good idea. Already nominated for a Razzie Award for Worst Actress, Bullock is in the rare position of becoming the first person to win an acting award at both the Oscars and the Razzies in the same year.

Photo: Paramount Pictures

#06
G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA
Directed by: Stephen Sommers

With every film that Stephen Sommers makes, it’s becomes clearer that “The Mummy” was some kind of a fluke. He’s like a poor-man’s version of Michael Bay (i.e. he's a hack, but just a little bit less of one than Bay). After the laughably lame “Van Helsing,” you'd think studios would brighten up and ban Sommers from making films. “G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra” is so hilariously bad and stupid that it was spoofed by “Team America: World Police” FIVE YEARS BEFORE it was even released!

Photo: Summit Entertainment

#05
TE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON
Directed by: Chris Weitz

The only compliment I can give “New Moon” is that it’s better than “Twilight.” But then, that’s not say saying much since “Twilight” was an awful abomination of a movie. “New Moon” suffers from the same issues that plagued “Twilight” – a week story, B-grade dialogues (“Bella, you can’t come!”) and terrible acting from Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. Stewart, an otherwise talented actress, seems to think that pausing while delivering words give them weight when it only highlights the over-dramatic soap opera nature of the whole thing. Only Taylor Lautner (who plays Jacob the werewolf) seems to rise above the clichéd material by bringing some charm and charisma to his performance. The gratuitous topless scenes are beyond ridiculous though. My Review

Photo: Columbia Pictures

#04
YEAR ONE
Directed by: Harold Ramis

Harold Ramis’ “Year One” feels like a third-rate rip-off of Mel Brooks “The History of the World Part I” – that is, same concept but sans the wit and humor. Jack Black and Michael Cera both play cavemen versions of themselves (or fat and thin versions of Fred and Barnie) who get banished from their tribe when they do something stupid. Once they’re banished, they travel the world, moving from one stupid gag to another for an hour and a half. It’s like watching someone take one of those never-ending Drug and Alcohol Courses. When the highlights of your movie include Jack Black licking crap and Michael Cera peeing on his own face (yea!), you know this movie sucks!

Photo: Universal Pictures

#03
LAND OF THE LOST
Directed by: Brad Silberling

Maybe Will Ferrell should quit making new comedies and make a sequel to “Anchorman” or “Talladega Nights” since clearly, those are the only two characters people would like to see him as. And I say this as a fan of the once-box office superstar. Ferrell hasn’t made a good movie in four years! “Land of the Lost” is probably the biggest mistake of the actor’s career. Did anyone really want to see a remake of “Land of the Lost”? Not only is it silly and devoid of good laughs, it’s just… unnecessary.

Photo: 20th Century Fox

#02
I LOVE YOU, BETH COOPER
Directed by: Chris Columbus

Completely devoid of charm and over-reliant on high-school stereotypes, Chris Columbus’ “I Love You, Beth Cooper” can’t even be classified as a valiant attempt to recreate the mood of John Hughes teen comedies of the 80s. There simply isn’t anything worth watching this film for - nope, not even Hayden Panettiere – you’re better off watching her on “Heroes.” This is just a painfully unfunny waste of time.

Photo: Paramount Pictures

#01
TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN
Directed by: Michael Bay

Watching Michael Bay’s ultra-loud, ultra-stupid, immature and plot-less “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” was, without doubt, the worst two hours I spent at the movies in 2009. This is the film that illustrates everything that I hate about Hollywood blockbusters. I could write a 500-word article on all the problems with this atrocious film but I’d rather save my energy on worthier causes. Adding insult to injury is that this steaming pile of crap made more than $400 million in theaters domestically! Nominated for a field-leading seven Razzie Awards, “Revenge of the Fallen” is the cinematic equivalent of a chorus of donkeys braying at a slaughterhouse!