Sources in far-flung Australia are claiming that the United States has plans to establish a permanent military presence Down Under.
With beleaguered President Obama slated to visit the sun-scorched island-nation this week, a formal announcement could very well be imminent.
That's great news for Aussies - who, like the rest of the world, have nothing but respect and admiration for the ever virtuous 'Merica and its awesomely just foreign policies.
But why create such a presence in a peace-loving, first world country - especially one like Australia, which has perhaps more in common with the States than any other nation on Earth?
Well, according to some unnamed Oz-based officials - it's China, stupid!
'Heightened concerns' over China's long-term goals are said to be the impetus behind this particularly unnecessary act of imperialism. Of course, China and Australia have been die-hard enemies since the horrific War of '71, in which rugged Australian kangaroo cavalrymen staged a bloody, drawn-out siege on Shanghai.
Oh wait. Yeah, that never happened. Turns out, China and Australia are steadfast trading partners and allies. My bad. So, I guess there's ABSOLUTELY NO CHANCE of China invading Down Under anytime soon. Right?
Tell that to the orchestrators of the North American War Machine, who (allegedly) have plans to move Marines into the far-northern city of Darwin within the next few months. This oughta give those peacenik Capitalists a fine little South Pacific staging area - and just a stone's throw (relatively speaking) from Red China!
I'm going to call it now - this particular rumour, crazy as it might sound on paper, just might have a kernel of truth to it.
Australia and the States already have a rich military history, you see. You may remember the Land Down Under as one of the very first nations to jump on the Iraq War bandwagon. Aussies and Yanks also fought side-by-side in World War II and Vietnam, not to mention several secret wars in South East Asia (citation needed).
You may be surprised to learn that the US has several de-facto military installations in Australia already. Certain Royal Australian Air Force bases host outposts of the US' Military Airlift Command (MAC), and all RAAF Airforce Bases are to be made available to Yankee forces on request. The city of Alice Springs is home to at least three separate facilities staffed by both Australians and Americans. Seismic stations, training facilities, Navy bases and 'Star Wars' GPS systems - just name the kinda pie, and you can be damned sure Uncle Sam's got at least one grubby little finger in it. There's even a dedicated US military base just outside the Australian Capital Territory - the Land of Plenty's counterpart to Washington DC.
Of course, all this is hearsay... nothing's been set in stone just yet. But President Obama is set to touch down in Canberra this coming Wednesday... so I guess we'll find out soon enough.
There are now only 401 days until the End of the World.
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