I'd love to fill this article with facts, and statistics on men who have been abused but, unfortunately, they don't make any sense.
There was the site that informed me that out of 16 million abuse victims, 17.1 percent abused are male, and 26.7 are female. I can only assume the other 56.2 percent were from Mars, where gender assignment isn't so clear.
Based on this statistic, the researcher concludes that out of every 5 abuse victims, 2 are men and 3 are women.
...but what about the Martians?
We have the site that says that studies show that in women who physically assault their significant other, only 10 to 20 percent actually do so in self defense while "interestingly, about 30% of the men said they assaulted their partner in self-defense."
See the difference? That's right, 10-20% of women had studies show they were acting in self defense, 30% of men merely claimed it they were.
So, if we can't rely on reports and statistics, what is the truth about male victims of domestic violence?
Are men more abused then women? Are women equally as violent as men? Or is it all some big conspiracy by men to excuse the abuse they commit?
The only answer I can think of is...who cares?
If you are against domestic violence, does it matter if it is a man or a woman committing the crime? If you believe people should have healthy and happy relationships, should we use men abusing women as the bad example, or women abusing men? Why it always comes down to a battle of the sexes is beyond me.
There are a few things I believe to be true.
- Men and women can be physically, emotionally and sexually abused in a relationship.
- It is possible for a man or woman to react physically in self defense.
- Both men and women can find it difficult to have the police or the courts believe that abuse occurred.
- There are men and women who do not ever report domestic abuse.
- Both men and women have lied about being abused.
- If even one man is in an abusive relationship, he deserves just as much help as a woman would receive.
- Men have less resources then women when it comes to domestic violence.
- Both men and women need people to pay more attention to the serious subject of domestic violence.
It's time to leave the male bashers, or female abuse deniers out of the picture. Not all men are abusers, and not all women are innocent, or unlikely to commit abuse.
Jan Brown spent years researching domestic violence and interviewing men who fit the definition of abuse. She discovered that there were very few options for male victims.
So she set out to make it right. In October of 2002, she founded the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women (DAHMW), a non-profit organization created to help men who have been victims of domestic violence. The unique aspect is that this organization is not only for abused men, but abused women as well.
The organization works with women's domestic violence centers around the country who understand that abusive family dynamics do not always come from male abuse. Together, they have created shelters and a large web of resources for both men and women who are abused.
If you are a man or woman who is being abused, you can contact DAHMW toll free at 1-888-7HELPLINE (1-888-743-5754) for access to resources in your city or state.
For more info on Domestic Violence please click here to subscribe and view my other articles. If you have any questions, or a topic you'd like to see, contact me at kayla@trailsofdeath.com
Comments
Where was the web site with the Martian stats? LOL! Of course both males and females can be both abusers and the ones being abused. I remember seeing a Lifetime movie - based on a true story - about a woman who abused her husband yet no one knew about it because he was ashamed so he never said a word. She wound up killing him in the end.
I think men's egos prevent them from reporting abuse as long as it's bearable. I can't imagine a man admitting in court that his wife hurt him psychologically, much less physically. These men would be more likely to walk away from an abusive relationship than report it. Hopefully, they would walk away and not continue to take it. Great article and resource for those in abusive relationships.
Great article. But we do have to talk about gender...and we have to keep talking about it until abused men have equal services as abused women.
A few battered fathers had to sue California shelters to get help for themselves and their children. They won in appeals court. Then immediately afterward a feminist legislator starting writing a new law to undo their win.
Yes, feminists are against equality!
For more info: examiner.com/x-15873-Family-Rights-Examiner~y2009m8d14-Dirty-little-secrets-domestic-violence-reform-before-refund
A woman beating a man is so rare, that it is not worth considering. There are homeless shelters for men and Salvation Army-type shelters for men. Historically, there have not been any shelters for batterd wives and their children.
Emotional abuse has no gender, does it? I loved my dad incredibly, but he was emotionally distant. Rarely expressed his feelings. So, I grew up thinking that men had no feelings, subconsciously. I have been guilty of hurting men because of this. Looking back, I am sorry now.
Kudos on this article!
You're right, abuse is abuse and it's condemnable whether it's man, woman, or martian dishing it out. Everyone should have resources to help find a way out.
While working in law enforcement I can attest that most of the DV victims were female, but not all. There were men who were raised not to put their hands on a woman, who got the crap beat out of them by their wives. There are also same sex partners involved in violent relationships, and those couples are much less likely to reach out for help.
Absolutely right! I'll bet your article on Jon Gosselin prompted this piece, didn't it? Great work! Attention needs to be given to the men that suffer verbal and/or physical abuse too.
This is great! Thanks!
As a male victim of domestic violence (I was a battered husband for 7 years) it is truly abhorant the way women can batter men in the home with virtual impunity.
If he speaks of it to his buddies, he's a wuss for letting the lil missy beat on him.
If he speaks of it to the cops, well surely he must have done something to deserve it.
If he speaks of it to the county shelter, then surely he's an abuser in denial.
If he raises a hand to defend himself he's off to the CrossBar Hotel and Resort Inn and a visit with the man in the Black Robe.
What's left for him to do?
He sits there crying inside, afraid to leave because there's nowhere to go or take the kids (he'll lose them if he leaves with them), he's a victim of battering and also of the Misandry that so completely infests our culture.
I speak from BTDT personal experience. I've since come to learn I'm far from alone.
Gunner Retired
Falsely Accused Father and Disenfranchised Parent
F4J/NPRA/FCRA/BHS
and Kittens Daddy
The reason why statistics are important is because professionals need to be aware that violence by women exists, needs to be taken as seriously as violence by men, and therefore routinely assessed. When I first started treating male batterers over 30 years ago, I didn't ask about violence perpetrated by their female partners, and missed out on an opportunity to intervene. Today, given the Straus data on symmetry of domestic violence, I routinely ask about violence with both members of a couple. But I agree with your bottom line, that domestic violence is destructive to families and our communities no matter who's doing the hitting.
I agree that men should have "EQUITABLE" services commiserate with the abuse they suffer. This should be based on the actual victims of abuse. If there are 1000 victims and 80% are women, then women should get 80% of the funding.
And BTW, most if not all shelters provide servcies to men, they just do not allow men to go the actual shelter. This is a thorn in many "mens rights advocates" sides. They want access to that shelter. I say NO!!!! and so do many others.
Great article, and it's heartening to see this spoken of more and more. I was an abused husband for nearly five years, first emotionally and then later physically. She would get drunk and throw things, several times I was cut on the face or hands. I'm over six feet, she's just over five and I'm three times her size. If I'd have hit her I've have killed her, and I was raised never to hit a woman so I didn't. But she knew that, knew she was safe, and used it to her advantage.
She also knew if I left her the courts would be on her side, and she threatened to take the kids and to keep them from me. So I had three choices: 1. Leave, lose my kids and leave them with a drunk dangerous parent. 2. Hit her back, and go to jail, and STILL leave them with her, or 3. Shut up and take it. So I took the only option I really had. So many other men tell similar stories, once the subject comes up - this needs to be brought out in the open.
Yes it is rare for women to abuse men, but the numbers of abused men also includes men who were abused by their male partners. All relationships aren't heterosexual, though many still think that way.
Given some of the absurd comments here, such as abuse of men is rare, and reminding us that it is gay men in those numbers (notice how Elizabeth left out consideration of lesbian violence, which, per capita has a high rate for IPV), and the gynocentric construct of the male ego getting in the way (hmmm funny when services are available for men, they tend to use them, ask Jan Brown), and the notion that if the stats say only 20% are men they should only get that part of the govt service pot ( I am sure Ms. Pigg would then would be in favor of supporting the same approach to workplace deaths and injuries, where women would only receive maybe 10% of the resources) I am left to conclude that the ongoing barrier to acceptance of this dilemma is the male abuse deniers which seem to have shown up in this comment board in full force. Women commenters here present with aplomb their duplicity, sexism, misandry and failings of the feminized construct of masculinity.
It is very common for women to abuse men. However, it is not very common for men to see such violence as abuse. A simple hit or slap, with minimal damage against a woman would be taken very seriously by women and the police. The same simple hit or slap, with minimal damage against a man would be shrugged off by the man and the police. In most cases, the man would be quite embarrased to admit that he was a punching bag for a woman.
The difference is in societies attitudes towards men and women who are victims of domestic violence.
Wow, Thank-you for writing this truth that has been DENIED for so long by feminists. Here is an example of how men deny IPV, often to 1) protect their family despite the abusers 2) protect their children or 3) suffer in silence.
--------------------------------------------------------------
A man suffering from two stab wounds to the upper body walked into a Mac's store near 189 Street and 87 Avenue about 3:41 a.m. yesterday, said police. He later told officers he had been attacked by two males and had someone drop him off at the store for help. A sergeant working on the case later located the man's common-law wife at a nearby residence and learned the pair had been involved in an earlier altercation. Charges are pending against the woman. The man was later listed in stable condition in hospital. {ref Edmonton SUN Aug 29, 2009 Daily Police Incident Report]
Those quoted statistics certainly are garbage without any reference to where they came from. Post a reference, maybe somebody will explain it to you and offer more valid statistics...Fiebert, Strauss, Dutton, Corvo, Archer, etc. etc.
Feminists cannot deny the truth that men are also victims of domestic violence and in significant numbers. Stop gender discrimination in Policing, courts, social services and services for victims of domestic violence.
Wow, Kayla, what a great piece! I finally found you...:-)
*loud clapping, foot stomping and cheering* That's absolutely right! It comes down to one thing, it doesn't matter what the sex of the person is, anyone can be abused, even those poor Martians. I'm wondering if they have any support groups. lol I couldn't help myself. It's sad that when it comes to abuse and depression the focus is on women and men are left out in the cold hiding and unable to admit what is wrong. Great, no fantastic article!
This is an unfortunate reality. I think the statistics are low based upon the fact that this is information that is finally being considered. Much goes unreported, or is summarily dismissed by many.
Having lived through (and survived) verbal abuse that caused stress related ulcers that left me incapacitated in the driveway of my home, I can speak from experience that oftentimes MUCH must happen before the victim will finally speak out in their own defense. Thank you to Jan Brown for offering a great support network and access to resources!
No one in the domestic violence field denies men are victims - the dispute happens over the percentage of male & female victims. And if you believe this does NOT have any repercussions on the DV field - you need to do more homework. (Repercussions- men sueing domestic violence shelters & state statues, men fighting for 1/2 the funding while women & children dont have enough shelter or other services, victim arrest, disbelief in court when woman claims abuse, etc.)
Men can call any DV resource, rape crisis center or stalking & get served - don't believe me? Call yourself. They have women to thank for these services - not to bash, like they do.
Men have fewer resources in DV? No, they have the same - they get motel vouchers though instead of shelters - but they often LEAVE abuse when they leave home - women have increased danger - this is when they are killed.
Men have more financial resources, so women often have no choice but to stay with an abuser.
Pls do more research.
Astonishingly, after a call to look away from Lies, Damned lies, and Statistics, I've read disingenuous implications from "Jo", chiding for "more research". "Denis" cites more valid statistics? Of what? At least, it's a position with citations behind it.
"Elisibeth" informs us of the rareity of women abusing men.
"Ms. Pigg", "commiserate equity"? What is THAT supposed to imply?
In my humble opinion, whether lies, or simple delusion, comments of the ilk of "EarlRichards" simply add nothing to the "debate", other than a dire call for "more research" indeed.
As always, I have to ask."Domestic" violence? Abuse? "Statistics"?
Motive? Equity?
One FACT is that Prisons, bridge abutments, "Family court/"Child services" files, are RIFE with innocents, that directly result from claims outlined in the Lies, Damned lies, and "Statistics", often cited by DV,VAWA, and "child experts", and the inevitable abuse of "gaming the system" for malicious fun, profit, and Ego.
CaptDMO, I didn't make a call for more research. IN fact, there's tons of research on DV. This writer simply chose to limit her search. For good CREDIBLE sources, try the CDC, WHO, DOJ, FBI. Also go to www.vawnet.org for resources or simply do a google scholar search.
CREDIBLE research shows that DV is 85-15. The research that shows it's mutual has these limitations: self report, dont measure severe violence, dont include violence during separation (women's riskiest time), dont include context (self defense or not), and doesnt include HOMICIDE.
3 women die each and every day from dv.
Fights over whether dv is mutual or not is a tremendous disservice to victims - it takes away precious media space for raising awareness about other issues of DV, it takes away precious space for other groups of victims that have more suffering than men - like Native American women, or gay men, or poor women.
And, the agenda is more destructive than constructive, more bashing than building
I think Jo needs to check her statistics. According to StatsCan's Family Violence In Canada surveys (for non-reciprocal, interpartner violence):
2005 Survey
7 % of women abused by male partner
6 % of men abused by female partner
2007 Survey
8 % of women abused by male partner
7 % of men abused by female partner
So what is the source for the 85-15 you quote? What is your source for >1000 female victims (per yr) of spousal homicide. In 2006, StatsCan reported 78 victims (56 women, 22 men).
As a former victim of spousal abuse, I can verify there are very few services available to us. Hundreds of tax-funded shelters across this country for women and none for men. Heck, my former abuser even stayed in one for several nights after she was released from jail. She has also been provided with plenty of free legal services (courtesy of the Women's Resource Society) to help destroy the children and I.
Yes Jo - the system is denying we exist.
Don Dymond
Great article. It took many many years for people too believe that a man could be the victim of domestic violence.
I understand the research very well and I continue to be shocked at the lack of understanding and equality (shelters, family law, social workers, police, politicians, etc) for male victims of domestic violence.
In addition, I suspect the 85/15 statistic is from Police statistics, which is an obviously flawed statistic when the Police ignore male victims and when male victims are ashamed of phoning the police.
Dutton 2006, The gender paradigm in domestic violence research and theory
Feminist theory of intimate violence is critically reviewed in the light of data from numerous incidence studies reporting levels of violence by female perpetrators higher than those reported for males, particularly in younger age samples. A critical analysis of the methodology of these studies is made with particular reference to the Conflict Tactics Scale developed and utilised by Straus and his colleagues. Results show that the gender disparity in injuries from domestic violence is less than originally portrayed by feminist theory. Studies are also reviewed indicating high levels of unilateral intimate violence by females to both males and females. Males appear to report their own victimization less than females do and to not view female violence against them as a crime. Hence, they differentially under-report being victimized by partners on crime victim surveys
National Family Violence Legislative Resource Center Policy Statement on Family Violence
“Reports from the WHO (Archer, 2006) also make it clear than in many countries around the world, particularly where women have little political or socioeconomic power, women represent the much larger share of IPV victims. However, the most reliable population of surveys indicate that in Western industrialized democracies such as the United States and Canada, where they enjoy higher status, women engage in physical aggression at rates comparable to men (Archer, 2000; Fiebert, 2004; Straus & Gelles, 1990) and are as likely or more likely to be the initiators (DeMaris, 1992; Morse, 1995; Dutton et al., 1999; Straus, 1993; Williams & Frieze, 2005).”
From the CDC:
The article below printed in the 9/07 issue of the Harvard Mental Health Letter (V. 24, N. 3) and is on the Harvard Medical School's website. It is by the researcher from the Centers for Disease Control, Dr. Whitaker, whose recent reseach found 24% OF HETEROSEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS HAD VIOLENCE, HALF OF IT RECIPROCAL,AND THAT WOMEN COMMITTED OVER 70% OF THE NON-RECIPROCAL VIOLENCE AND INITIATED THE RECIPROCAL VIOLENCE MORE OFTEN THAN MEN, and women suffered more injury but men suffered significant injury as well
more from the NFVLRC
“Shernock’s (2005) analysis of over 2000 IPV incidents in Vermont revealed that men were categorized as perpetrators 3.2 times more often than women on the initial police report, but subsequently arrested 9 times as often. At issue is the extent to which this pattern of gender bias reflects flawed “dominant aggressor” guidelines and assumptions about IPV based on discredited sociopolitical theories of patriarchy”
“Victimized males do not have access to services because of the assumption that they are only minimally impacted by IPV, if at all. This assumption, however, runs contrary to an overwhelming body of research evidence. A significant minority of IPV-related physical injuries, between 25% and 43%, are incurred by men (Archer, 2000; Laroch, in preparation; Mirrlees-Black, 1999; Straus, 2004; Tjaden & Thoennes, 2000), and men are the victims in nearly a quarter of intimate homicides (Rennison, 2003)”
From California Mens Center:
Police Officer Perceptions of Intimate Partner Violence (POPIPV): An Analysis of Observational Data
The POPIPV documents that almost two of every three (62%) of law enforcement IPV interventions are for "verbal arguments." And one of every five (20.4%) are for incidents where it is difficult to determine who is the offender and who is the victim. Hence, the
vast majority (82.4%) of IPV interventions can be problematic for responding officers.
Most criminal justice data documents that in serious incidents females do suffer from more injurious and fatal violence than males. However, as the POPIPV documents most IPV incidents are minor or there is no empirical evidence to demonstrate who initiated the assaultive behavior. Contemporary unprecedented IPV training curriculums establish a bias found nowhere else in the criminal justice system. IPV trainers simply refer to females as victims and males as offenders
Jo doesn't understand the reality of Male Victims
"Men have more financial resources, so women often have no choice but to stay with an abuser."
The truth is that women can phone the police and leave for a shelter at anytime. Men are not believed by the police and the majority of shelters will turn them away. Men cannot leave their abuser because they know that they will be abandoning their children with their abuser. They can't take their children because their abuser will have them arrested.
Jo doesn't understand the reality of Male Victims
"Men have more financial resources, so women often have no choice but to stay with an abuser."
The truth is that women can phone the police and leave for a shelter at anytime. Men are not believed by the police and the majority of shelters will turn them away. Men cannot leave their abuser because they know that they will be abandoning their children with their abuser. They can't take their children because their abuser will have them arrested.
Jo doesn't understand the reality of Male Victims
"Men have more financial resources, so women often have no choice but to stay with an abuser."
The truth is that women can phone the police and leave for a shelter at anytime. Men are not believed by the police and the majority of shelters will turn them away. Men cannot leave their abuser because they know that they will be abandoning their children with their abuser. They can't take their children because their abuser will have them arrested.
One of the main objectives for starting a helpline that specializes in offering supportive services to men in relationships with abusive women was to prove the need. Windu Derita is correct when she writes that when services are available men (just like women)will use them. Abused men require most if not all of the same services that women do.
What Mz. Pigg may not realize is that there are at least two shelters that I know of personally that house abused women and men together. It must work because one shelter has been doing so for over 17 years and the other for 11 years. The argument that you can not house men (as well as adolescent boys) and women together because women are afraid of men just doesn't fly. Abused women may fear abusive men, but certainly not all men. If that argument held water then abused lesbians could not be housed with other women and the same would hold true for gay men.
Thanks very much for the mention Kayla and for taking on this topic.
Good article, Kayla. As a male victim who was helped IMMENSELY by Jan Brown and her Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women, I applaud all who shed light on the facts regarding domestic abuse.
Jo you're wrong to cite crime data (DoJ, etc.) because men report it less than women. Emprical survey data consistently shows women initiate domestic violence as often as men, that men suffer one-third of physical injuries and that self-defense does not explain away this violence, as Professor Martin Fiebert shows in his online bibliography (search his name).
The American Psychiatric Ass. announced a major national study showing half of hetero DV is reciprocal and women initiated most of both the reciprocal and non-reciprocal violence.
A recent 32-nation study by the University of New Hampshire found women are as violent and controlling as men in relationships worldwide.
A Canadian government report also recognizes the above data.
(Search "Intimate partner abuse against men")
This site doesn't allow links but we provide them. Search Men's Legal Center and click domestic violence, or search "NCFM Los Angeles battered men statistics"
The 85/15 figure does not come from randomized survey data. It comes from shelters or DoJ surveys that use crime-based language, which biases results especially for men because they're less likely than women to respond positively when crime-based language is used. Every time surveys are done by non-crime agencies like universities, they come out equal in perpetration and about 1/3 of injuries are men. And the real damages is to kids to witness it regardless of injuries.
Covering up that reality does not good in stopping domestic violence.
The criticism of the CTS are both hypocritical and false. They're hypocritical because the same critics have cited CTS-based studies for decades for female victims and only criticize when it's for male victims. And it's false because newer CTS studies have asked about context and self defense and still reach the same conclusions. See works by Don Dutton, Murray Straus, John Archer, Linda Kelly, and many others.
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