The Top 48: Round 3: a recap and tonight's forecast

Congratulations America: your voices have been heard. As Nick Cannon introduced the judges, he acknowledged the storm over last week’s choice by the judges, as well as the fallout between the three of them. Piers Morgan addressed them directly as well; after seemingly ignoring the elephant in the room during his appearance on the Tonight Show, he stated plainly that he believed Sharon Osbourne and David Hasselhoff had “dropped the ball.”

Osbourne responded by barking at him, then rehashing the tired old argument about judging by comparison, which only explains why they rejected Charles DeWayne Dorsey, an act that was just barely up to standard, but not why they put through Tony Hoard & Rory, an act that is not really an act at all.

Hasselhoff meanwhile only made two things perfectly clear, both of which were already known: that he’s in love with himself, and that he’s completely useless. Last week, he demanded to see something “Hofftastic.” This time, he wanted to see something “Hoff the charts.”

The viewers at home, meanwhile, would like to see the Hoff get "offed."

This was ultimately a very fulfilling night, not just because America got to see Osbourne and Hasselhoff made to answer for their decisions for the first time, but on account of the overall quality of the acts themselves.

Once again, two more of Simon Cowell’s wild card acts performed. This time, the new additions were Jay Mattioli and U4RIA.

The twelve acts overall and their performances are as follows:

1) FootworKINGz (no Xs)

The judges were impressed, and the audience was impressed. America, on the other hand, has already taken a pass on dance groups that were far better than this.

The problem with the FootworKINGz is simple: their act is based entirely on speed. One performer made the claim to hitting over a hundred beats per minute, but all the audience ever gets to see is a blur. If you take away the speed, all that’s left is some very simple choreography with nothing else to distinguish the KINGz from any other dance crew America has seen already.

Several dance groups have performed live already, and so far the only one America has not rejected outright was a clogging group. If SQ Entertainment and the Platt Brothers were not good enough to even qualify for the 5th-6th spot, I see no reason to believe the FootworKINGz are good enough either.

Especially not when there are so many other acts to choose from.

2) Marcus Terell & The Serenades (no Xs)

Marcus Terell just cannot get a break. Having to part ways with his three best friends to get into the Top 40 was bad enough. What made it worse for him was that his inclusion became the event highlighting the judges’ utter lack of professionalism, so many viewers had already turned on him before he even had the chance to perform.

Instead, Terell was told to recruit three new Serenades, so now America has an act where three of the four performers were essentially given an automatic pass right into the Top 40 without even auditioning. The judges have made sure that America has every reason possible to hate this act.

The tragedy is that Terell would have been just as well off with his three original backup singers. The three replacement singers were boring and flat with horrible harmonies.

Terell himself was all over the place vocally as well. Ultimately they were just not strong enough to overcome the negativity the judges ensured were attached to them.

3) Pixie Mystere (no Xs)

Morgan had commented that he wanted to see more dance and less contortions for their first live performance. This could have spelled disaster for the Pixies, as with so many dance groups presently in the competition, they needed to add as much to their presentation as possible to ensure that they stand out.

They cut down on the contortions, but still managed to stand out anyway. They made full use of their gymnastic capacity in a full dance number. They may have overdone it with the back flips, but the performance was still very creative and very original: everything a dance act on AGT needs to be.

The most obvious downfall of the group is presently their choreography. Often the Pixies were out of synch with each other, but taking into account their ages and, more importantly, the nature of the stunts they were performing together in unison, perfect choreography was not to be expected.

4) Jay Mattioli (XX from Morgan & Osbourne)

Of all the many kinds of performers AGT has to offer, none have a longer history of meeting high expectations with total disappointment than magicians.

Last night, Jay Mattioli continued that tradition.

Morgan called all of Mattioli’s tricks “end of the pier” magic, which is to say that everything Mattioli did has been seen a million times before: the magic box, the scarfs, and the puppy out of a shadow box.

This is why acts who make it to Vegas are supposed to perform in Vegas. Had Mattioli performed like this in Vegas, he would never have made it through the filter and America would have completely forgiven the judges for cutting him.

5) BRI (no Xs)

What does it say when an artist can make a song her own and yet still fail to stand out?

BRI has a great voice and great instrumental skills, but the problem is that the most defining aspect of her act last night was the presence of backup dancers. Why does soulful singer on the piano need backup dancers? Even BRI herself looked surprised to see them there.

It was ultimately a very strong but very forgettable performance – the same kind of performance Charles DeWayne Dorsey had given the week before.

6) U4RIA (no Xs)

Yet another dance crew. Yet another reason the FootworKINGz should not feel confident in America's vote. Yet another act that was completely forgettable.

U4RIA’s problem is very much the same as the KINGz in that they only have one strong point to offer to America. The KINGz have speed but not much else, whereas U4RIA has choreography but not much else. The fact that they performed a seemingly Frankenstein-themed dance number did nothing to keep their act from being completely forgettable compared to all the dance acts that have gone before them.

7) David Johnson (XXXed out)

David Johnson was buzzed out? Yeah, I know, I was surprised too.

If this did not prove just how incompetent the judges were in selecting their Top 40 this season, nothing ever will.

Johnson began by claiming in his introduction to have written a song that he believed everyone watching at home could relate to. He also claimed to have written a song about a crush he shared with half the world but was actually about David Hasselhoff, so it should have been obvious enough that it would be about something nobody in the world could relate to.

His topic this time: Those hot, sexy and sometimes hussy Golden Girls.

Hasselhoff will burn in hell for this.

8) Hairo Torres (no Xs)

Of all the acts classified as insults, Hairo Torres deserved to be there the least. Last night, he proved it.

His act began on a rough note where he entered the stage dressed as a sort of Steve Urkel character complete with glasses and suspenders. Then he immediately reminded America just how flexible and how creative a man can possibly be.

Torres’ only shortcoming may be what the judges commented on: the skepticism that a single dancer could carry on a ninety-minute show in Las Vegas. America may decide that he cannot, but last night, Torres did everything a man in his position possibly could have done to try and prove otherwise.

Considering one single dancer, Arcadian Broad, has already advanced into the Top 20, there is hope for Torres. He may not advance into the Top 20, but he certainly deserves to.

9) G-Force (X from Morgan)

The problems with this group are twofold.

First, they have horrible singing voices unfit for anything except the next KIDZ BOP album.

Second, it’s not always clear if the girls can even play their instruments at all. From the drummer producing drum beats while hammering away at the cymbals, to the guitarist who appeared to be strumming at the side of her guitar, the girls gave plenty of reason to believe that they were not playing their instruments at all.

Ultimately, the G-Force is nothing more than what they originally came off as being: a “Girl power!” middle school band.

10) Jeffrey Ou (no Xs)

Between BRI and Ou, the moral of the story is not to give backup dancers to a pianist.

Jeffrey Ou came into the competition with a target on his back that left him classified as an insult, and he began with a more classical piece that allowed him to shake that off. Once again, the advice from the judges was piss-poor; not surprisingly, Osbourne commented that she wanted him to keep the manic insanity. Ou did not, and instead proved that he actually could play the piano professionally.

Then the music started up, his dancers stormed the stage, Ou threw off his jacket and proceeded to hammer out Elton John’s “Saturday Night.” With just one problem: one of his backup dancers had tripped over and unplugged the cable to his piano.

Morgan may have been right to comment that this may have been a mixed blessing for Ou, as it prevented the audience from hearing the piano itself. Elton John is well known for his skills on the ivory, but definitely not for that song in particular.

11) Mario & Jenny (no Xs)

This is usually the kind of act America dreads watching perform. On one hand, if they endanger themselves too much, you are afraid to watch. On the other hand, if they play it too safe, it feels like a copout.

Mario & Jenny may have found the middle ground. What they did may not have been as dangerous as juggling chainsaws, but it certainly looked like it could have been.

Mario began at first by juggling flaming guitars – this is where the act seemed to downgrade itself. This built up to the lighting of a flaming cube that Mario spun around over his head and around the stage – this was the exciting part.

Ultimately, whether or not America will vote for Mario & Jenny will absolutely be a judgement on the nature of the act and not the way it was performed. Mario did everything he could possibly have done to win America’s favor, but when the cameras zoomed in and caught the soot clinging to his face, there had to be a hundred thousand viewers that asked themselves if they could in good faith vote Mario through if it meant he would risk his life a second time.

12) Lawrence Beamen (no Xs)

Lawrence Beamen is an anomaly. Only he could deliver such a strong performance and yet simultaneously give the impression that he is holding back.

Beamen almost sounded as if he were whispering in the beginning. His voice grew in strength as his performance progressed, but it never seemed to climax. It was a very strong and very emotional performance, but it was still unbefitting of the true top contender that Beamen has inside of him.

Morgan may have given Beamen a nudge in the right direction by comparing him to Barry White. If Beamen wants to win, he will need to choose a song that enables him to demonstrate the full power of his voice. A song by White may be just the ticket.

Once again, there is a middle ground between acts who are guaranteed to advance and acts who are guaranteed not to. This time, however, it is not positioned precariously between the automatic pass and the automatic elimination, but rather just over the latter of the two. While the six acts forecasted as eliminated have been listed with confidence, only two acts have all but guaranteed themselves a spot in the Top 20. Of the remaining, two are talented but failed to establish a presence for themselves (BRI and Jeffrey Ou), while the other two proved that they are very talented but may not be America’s idea of what a million-dollar act should look like (Hairo Torres and Mario & Jenny).

Taking that into consideration, the most likely outcome for tonight’s results show is:

Passed:

• Pixie Mystere
• Lawrence Beamen
• Hairo Torres
• Mario & Jenny

Rejected:

• FootworKINGz
• Marcus Terell & The Serenades
• Jay Mattioli
• U4RIA
• David Johnson
• G-Force

Judges’ Choice:

• BRI
• Jeffrey Ou