A child's mind is delicate enough in the sense that they hold on to information like a sponge absorbs water. They are constantly wondering about things and asking questions because their minds are so eager to learn about everything. It is wonderful to see a child so intrigued with the world and how things work but it's even more fascinating to witness what goes through a child's mind when they become heartbreakingly parentless.
Children deal with their grief sometimes in similar ways that adults do. They also go through the five stages of grief (denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) but in their own ways while coping with the loss of their dear parents. As mentioned in previous articles, children sometimes have a delayed reaction of coping with the loss of their parents that may not hit them until they are older, and later on in life.
When the news of the loss of their parents first travels to the child, depending on their age they may immediately start going through the five stages of grief in regards to death and dying like adults do or they could go through the three stages of grief that are most common in children (denial, acute grief, adjustment). Whatever the case may be, the child may not quite understand what it all really means. For example, some adults or other family members may not have the heart to tell the child that their parents died but instead say things like "mommy went on a very long vacation and won't be coming back," or "daddy moved to heaven to be with the angels." Eventually as the children grow up they will figure out what this really means on their own. Either way however, whether someone tells them the truth about their parents or not, children often feel the sadness of the event almost instantly. On the other hand, they also move fast into the denial stage.
When children enter this stage, they often try and think of ways that they can get their parents back. For example, they may try and write letters to God or where ever they were told their parents were to ask for them back. If the child was told their parents were in Heaven now, then the child will ask a nearby adult things like what Heaven's phone number is so they can call and talk to their parents, or ask for Heaven's address so they can write their parents a letter. These are ways that the child grieves but it is also their stage that they think they can reverse what happened. In adult stages of grief, this would be considered their bargaining stage.
However, children will eventually figure out the hard truth and result of all of their efforts of trying to bring their parents back, that sadly they will never be able to get them back. This sometimes makes them fall into their depression stage of grief and/or anger stage because it is out of their control. After a while of being in this stage, they will realize that they have to accept the fact that their parents will not be coming back and will have to learn the different ways of adjusting.
It is a hard process for anyone to have to go through, whether they are a parentless adult or a parentless child. Everyone will experience the five/three stages of grief at least at some point in their life. The most important thing to remember, whether it is you experiencing the grief process, someone close to you experiencing it, or a newly parentless child, to always have plenty of support around close by. Support from others can be the key to helping a person get through their grief process and even to help them move on with their lives one day. We all need support sometimes so the best thing we can do is to be there for one another.
In regards to parentless children, be their support when they are going through the grief process of losing their parents. Make sure they always have plenty of support at all times and even as they get older, for just because they are older, does not mean they don't need any support anymore. Show them movies and pictures of their parents often, and don't be afraid to talk to them about their parents and about wonderful memories that were shared with them. Children will only be able to grieve in a healthy way if they have healthy support surrounding them throughout this process.
For more of Michelle's articles:
Phoenix Parentless Children Examiner
East Valley Teen Issues Examiner
If you would like to stay connected to Michelle's articles, click 'subscribe' at the top of this page or follow Michelle on Twitter. You can also contact Michelle through her website or at myaskmikey@yahoo.com.
Comments