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The Smallest of Deceptions Part 2: It's a Female Thing

In a previous article I touched on a few veiled messages and half-truths you will doubtless encounter if you have been in a relationship long enough. Having some time to consider this subject again, and having nothing interesting to comment on lately, I have decided to revisit this topic. Also because it makes it easier on me everything this time applies to females. I pretty well covered the array of things that men aren't straight forward about and unless I want to descend into hacky things like 'I know what I'm doing' and 'I know where I’m going' I will have to give it a rest on the men for the moment. If you'd like to point out that I’m male so what should I know about what women think, I'll say it's all what I've observed and I've been right so far. However, before we begin I would like to stress that though each of the following comments begin with a grain of truth and are all based on real observations I have made, I am also trying to make this entertaining and am not averse to a bit of exaggeration. Try to keep that in mind.

Stressing or frequent use of the phrase 'I miss you' particularly if stated as 'I really miss you' with the really being emphasized:

In this culture there is a great deal of shame placed on women for their sexual desires. It's unfortunate that this is so, but it is ambient in our culture for sure. In reaction to this, it has become unseemly for a woman to say (especially when someone can hear or over the phone) something as blunt and vulgar as 'I'm horny'. So this thought is expressed covertly. There is a subtly to it, as 'I miss you' can actually mean what it should mean if it's stated with emotion and not subtle emphasis. Telling the difference is something that has to be learned experientially. But it's something to watch for while you're learning to discern veiled meanings.

"Who is/was that on the phone/ Just now." / "How is (insert person)." (When the person is in question is also female):

This is not a genuine statement of interest or concern; it is in fact an airing of insecurity. The question is being asked to gauge the identity and connection of the individual and assure the asker that they are no threat. This might seem suspicious and mistrustful but insecurity is something we all feel early on in any relationship. Assurance of indifference is the only appropriate answer here, even if it isn't exactly correct. This isn't a question that is seeking fact remember, it's seeking reassurance.

"I'm cold/tired/hungry/bored."

This might look like a statement of fact and eventually it will be just that but if you're still early into the relationship and still young enough, this is more of a command. The command is to correct this problem, and not with suggestions. If suggestions were what this was about then the conversation would have opened that way. At this point the statement is a command to take some sort of action.

"Do you really want to (insert activity)" / "You don't have to (insert activity)":

Blame the culture once again for telling women that they are shrewish and unpleasant if they simply demand things or take any sort of position of confidence or authority. The best option left that makes them feel like they got their point across nicely is to pick at the idea in hope that it'll seem obvious that they are trying to overturn your intentions. Real indifference will be obvious by the lack of comment. Commenting on indifference is a contradiction. One has to care enough to comment, so it always means something is up.

Any comment about how close they feel to you or a compliment on your relationship and how it works:

This is insecurity again. It's a dangerous thing to just lay your feelings out there, so they're trying to feel out your feelings first. Just make yourself understood clearly and accurately in this case.


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