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The Smallest of Deceptions

Here are some common veiled messages anyone is bound to hear if they're dating long enough. This sort of thing is usually attributed to women but men are just as guilty. Take these all with a grain of salt, it isn't a certainty but you can consider it likely that the meanings here are on target.
Let's start with the most basic one for men. When your female partner tells you to go away or leave her alone in a moment of distress or anger then it means the opposite. This assumes she is under 30 or so. It's a judgment call as to where the cut off should be, but older women are more likely to express exactly what they want in plain honest terms. In any case you have less to lose by staying then by obeying them. Consider the propinquity effect.
Another obvious one while we at it comes up on gift giving holidays, especially small ones so this is particularly relevant in the coming weeks. Often, and again forgive me for attributing this to females entirely but it is the case, your partner will say something to the effect of 'don't get me anything' or 'I don't want anything.'. While they do not want to appear shallow or greedy this is nearly always a lie. They just want to appear modest. Even if you suspect they truly mean it, it is better to go ahead with some sort of gesture. It will be appreciated even if they ask you not to, and it was almost certainly expected anyway.
This next one covers both but can relate to men mostly. Whenever anyone says 'five minutes' they most certainly do not mean anything near that amount of time. Men say it because they don't want to estimate and they are being pressured to say something. A man that says they will 'be there in five minutes' may not have even left yet. When a man commits to doing something then he considers it to have begun being done even if he takes no action yet. When a woman says five minutes it's similarly when she just wants extra time. it will be no less then twenty minutes and as long as two hours on some occasions.
Next up is 'I don't usually do this' or 'I only do this for you'. This could be used sexually or it could be used for favors, usually women and men respectively for the meanings of sexually and favors. This is almost never true unless they are young or haven't been in many relationships, but the intention is an honest attempt to make you feel special while trying to seem modest (if it's sex) or self-sacrificing (if it's a task). This goes similarly with exaggerating your performance or prowess as women are prone to do for their male’s ego, especially if he asked.
One that you need to learn if your striking out a lot is "I'm busy"/ "I have work school". In any case, with anyone of either gender if they want to make time for you they will. If someone is giving you excuses then they aren't interested.
Finally we have the most common small lie that pertains mostly to men and it is simply "I'm sorry". I am not saying that men aren't sorry sometimes, what I mean by this is that it's a conditioned response to enough screwing up to just start reflexively saying this like a verbal dry heave. It could mean you're too critical or that they aren't aware enough. Either way it isn't sincere, but they aren’t trying to be deceptive so much as they are trying to pacify.
The way we interact leaves no shortage of necessity for little bits of deception. When we say we want honesty what we really want is insight. We want to know our partner entirely. What I have listed above is just some nonsense we do in defense. It should be taken mostly with amusement as we know what it really means. It's not enough to understand the meaning that is hidden, more importantly we must understand the reason we were not forthcoming with the truth.


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