Wikipedia says that motivation is "the activation or energization of goal-oriented behavior". A motivated coworker reads this definition and immediately associates it with work. An indifferent or unmotivated coworker associates the definition with more than just work. Some people live to work. Others work to live. The people that work to live have goals that aren't career oriented. They simply work so they have the financial capability to fulfill their goals in life. As a result, these people often despise the behaviors exhibited by motivated coworkers.
Here are the seven habits of highly motivated coworkers:
1. They work all hours of the day. They are always hard at work when you arrive to your cubicle. You have never once arrived before them, even on the days where you were forced to show up at 7am for some ridiculous meeting in which you have to listen in on a call with developers from India. When you leave work, they are still there and you usually receive an email from them at 11:30pm. You, of course, do not receive the email until the next day. When you go to lunch, they are hard at work. As far as you are aware, they do not eat food. They just work. You are also quite certain they do not sleep, and there's a very good chance that their kids have no idea who they are.
2. During meetings, the motivated employee will bring up topics that they heard at their professional organization meetings. Not only were you unaware of the fact that people actually attend professional organization meetings, but the mere thought of attending this meeting makes you sick to your stomach. The term career networking gives you the chills.
3. They have an MBA or are working toward their MBA. You have always thought about getting an MBA until you realize you're a lazy bastard and have absolutely no motivation. The most motivated MBAers will ask management if they can host "Lunch n' Learn" sessions so they can share all the great knowledge they are learning. You hate them for this. Not only do you hate their confident attitude, but you despise Lunch n' Learns with a passion.
4. Motivated employees are very proactive about adding more tasks to their workday. These people go out of their way to take on a bigger load of work. You have very mixed emotions about this as an unmotivated employee. On one hand, you have an employee making you look like a piece of crap. On the other hand, you have an employee fully willing to take on more work when you tell people you are busy. This can lead to one of two things for an unmotivated employee -- an easy job or no job.
5. They love to use business jargon and business metaphors. One of the key factors in getting promoted is to use the same language that managers use. Since managers rarely have any idea what they're talking about, they love to use buzzwords. For instance, instead of saying, "the business is asking us to build an online application for sales leads" they say "the ASK is to begin a feasibility analysis on developing an online sales portal system".
6. They talk about training for marathons or triathlons. Although they work nearly double the amount of hours that you do, attend professional organization meetings, and are working toward an MBA, they still find time to block off 1-2 hours to workout. You begin to wonder if these people have any friends or family outside of work or do anything that is not productive.
7. Motivated coworkers always dress one level above what is required. If it's a casual workplace, they wear khakis and a polo. If it's business casual, they were a tie. If it's formal, they wear a suit, but are sure to equip it with an expensive trench coat. No matter the situation, you despise them.
> View Dudley's motiviational posters
Have additional habits you'd like to add? Post them in the comments section below.
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Comments
8. They are law abiding citizens. They know the company handbook inside and out and tell you exactly what you are doing that is against the rules.
9. They name drop and tell fantastic stories of successful encounters.
10. Their car is never more than 2 years old and they talk about the great features like air conditioned mirrors and lotion dispensers.
8. They are law abiding citizens. They know the company handbook inside and out and tell you exactly what you are doing that is against the rules.
9. They name drop and tell fantastic stories of successful encounters.
10. Their car is never more than 2 years old and they talk about the great features like air conditioned mirrors and lotion dispensers.
They repeat themselves for affect.
Your team of loyal lemming readers have asked me to serve as their spokesperson. We have some "concerns":
1. You appear to be publishing your articles on a timely basis. Lazy = 0, Hardworker = 1
2. Many of your past few articles have included entertaining, well-researched slide shows to earn additional dollars for you as a result of your efforts.
Lazy = 0, Hardworker = 2
3. You have branched out to Despair.com to display your industry knowledge...albeit smartassedness, but still knowledge.
Lazy = oh, to hell with keeping track...
4. You proudly display at the beginning of your article "View Dudley's most popular and socialistic-appealing writings dedicated to you, dear customers...." instead of "Here's some other doo-doo...click on it if you must."
Therefore, and forewith, and hence and amalgamate...(words I simply don't understand nor do I know how to use...). Cut it out.
We want our old, pithy, Dudley the "Office Urinal Cakes King" back. The new you...is scary.
Dud... -
1. I've actually slowed the pace of my articles significantly even though I know I'm making decent money on them now. I'm turning down free money. Lazy = 1, Hard work=0.
2. The slideshows are put together in manner of minutes, but yes, they do add a significant cash flow.
Lazy = 1, Hardworker = 0, Intelligence = 2
3. The despair.com comment makes absolutely no sense and there is no way to defend myself.
4. Again, nothing to really defend here as it is not a sign of any type of change or lack of laziness on my part.
Therefore, and forewith, Dudley has never changed. I have always written articles like this one along with articles about urinal cakes. Just wait your friggen turn you impatient piece of sh!t.
11. They set their life-span to 50 yrs.
12. They hardly have life.
13. They have sleep disorder.
14. They do have stomach problems, can't eat.
15. They work hard, but don't play hard.
16. They have a moral duty to reduce the population.
Cars come with lotion dispenser options? Wow!
Although I agree with your assessment that people who get their MBA while they have a job are lame, I would argue that quiting your job and only going to school is the ultimate in laziness. I chose to get my MBA because I knew it would provide me with two years where I wouldn't have to go to an office. Also, it would allow me to act "mature" and therefore be able to touch undergrad females who were sick of "immature college guys." Class for 2 hours a day, four days a week and college girls who hadn't developed cube-ass yet, all day long. Like shooting fish in a barrel.
Cars come with airconditioned mirrors now?
Wikipedia as a source is about the dumbest thing I have ever seen...
Mark - You are absolutely correct about using Wikipedia as my source for defining the word motivation. Had I done the proper due diligence of finding more reputable sources, such as a dictionary, I would have found that motivation means something entirely different than what Wikipedia had reported.
In the future, I will make sure to use Funk & Wagnall's for all of my diction needs.
I sincerely apologize to all of my fans.
I have a co-worker who's highly motivated. He was defending scheduling a sales pitch with a vendor by saying that at his last job (at the corporate offices of VERY, VERY large company) he'd get in trouble for not doing something that nobody knew he didn't do about something that nobody knew existed. Figure that one out...
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