Do you remember the fun time you had dating your spouse? Do you remember how relaxed you guys were before the kids? With the new addition(s) to the family, how will you and your spouse have a date or spend quality time together?
Right now, you are not thinking about getting sexy, putting on clothes and leaving the house. Your days & nights are just struggling to get sleep! You time is full with pampers, formula, and bottles. But even with all that, you guys still need to stay connected and in tune with each other.
Dating and connecting as a couple after having a baby takes some true adjustment and dedication on both parents part. It’s important not to let this slip away. Yes, yes I know how can I even suggest dating & you have a newborn? Well, you know me “I will help you date your spouse.”
First and foremost, the most important thing you guys need to do is offer support for each other so that date night can happen. The worst thing you could possible do is try to get your spouse to date ya and they are exhausted. It just will not happen.
How to support each other
Schedule: Try to keep in mind that now with a baby, your days doesn’t belong to you. Your schedule is pretty much decided by the child (unless you have your baby on a [semi] feeing and napping schedule). Try to utilize the sleeping time of the baby for your sleep but also to connect with your spouse. Even if it’s just to talk, hold hands, or eat a meal together.
Communication: Keep the lines of communication open. Men and women go through a range of emotions after a child is added to the family. Be patient and ask questions and get clarity on what is being said. Understand that emotions will be high and sometimes uncontrollable, so provide the needed support to your spouse.
Sex: Hey sex is not out the picture now that you have a newborn. Sex may have to wait the 6-8 weeks as directed by the doctor for the wife to heal. Don’t neglect this physical aspect of your relationship because of having a baby now.
Pitch in: The chores around the house will have to be shared until everyone has adapted to the new baby. Don’t expect your wife to be able to initial to handle all of the tasks she did before the baby. Its ok to ok for you to pitch in and its ok if the clothes are not folded right away, etc.
Patience: It goes without saying, with or without a baby, you should display a high level of patience & support for your spouse.
How to continue dating your spouse with a newborn [kids]
- Babysitter: Get a friend or a trusted teenager to babysit for you. They can babysit even if you guys decide to stay at the house for a date. The reason for the babysitter is to relieve you of having to take care of the baby for a couple of hours. Care.com is good for locating reliable professional babysitters.
- Home dates: For the first couple of weeks, your dates may be at home. If you decide to stay at home, make sure to have your date outside your bedroom. Remember mom, may have been in the bed all day nursing the baby or just tired and staying in bed. So change her scenery to another room. Dress up for this date. You don’t have to wear your tuxedo and formal gown, but dress, including make-up, like you are going on a date outside the home.
Home date ideas:
Movie night- watch your favorite movies. Go to the dollar store & purchase all the $1 movie candy you guys like, pop some popcorn and have other finger food for your date. Oh don’t forget your favorite cold beverage.
Candle light dinner-hire a chef to come in and cook dinner for your date. This chef could be a good family friend/family member. Tell them what your wife favorite meal is & have them cook it for you guys and serve it.
Game night-Play your favorite board game.
- Out the house dates: This may be hard for a new mom to leave her baby at home but if you can get her to leave home don’t keep her out long. If you are a new mom, it is ok to leave your baby at home with a trusted babysitter to spend some time with your spouse.
Date ideas (outside the home):
Restaurant: Enjoy a lunch or dinner….Call ahead of time and reserve your table. This will cut down on your wait time. Go to your favorite location. With this being your first date since the baby, don’t venture to a place unknown. We want you to enjoy our time away from the baby.
Mall: Go to the mall & window shop. This date is all about talking and laughing. BUT: YOU CANNOT BUY ANYTHING FOR THE CHILD!
Airport: Grab some to go food and go to the airport & watch the airplanes take off and land. Fantasy about where you would like to go. Or even talk about where you think the planes are coming in from.
- Spa: Turn your bathroom into a spa. Remember you hired a babysitter (see #1). Take a bubble bath together. Light some candles. Put on some soft music. Place a dinner tray beside the tub with wine glasses and your favorite bottle drink. Sip, unwind, and enjoy each other company.
This is a really exciting time in your marriage, if it’s your first child or 10th child, the family dynamics have changed; however, being husband and wife have not. Don’t lose each other in the shuffle of being parents. Be deliberate in your quest to connect and date. Remember the purpose of dating your spouse is: a chance for you and your spouse to reconnect emotionally, to talk about “self” and support each other without any interpretations from daily life requirements. These few hours are so crucial to the health of your marriage don’t neglect it.
Bonus Tip: These steps and an intentional effort must be taken regardless the age of your children. It does get easier to date as the kids get older. Set the routine now!