Many people who remain single are coming out of a traumatic relationship. While divorcing a narcissist can leave a person too afraid of succumbing into another possible agonizing relationship. The wounds are still fresh and one might have difficulty staying present long enough to connect with their date.
Many are unaware of just how long it takes to trust one’s own confidence in picking a healthy mate after a painful relationship. One helpful technique is to re-assess how you look at all your previous relationships.
Lisa left a man who was always drunk and screaming at her. Tom hated his profession and took out his frustration on Lisa as well as their children. She got tired of walking on egg shells and filed for divorce.
Lisa is now having trouble moving forward after her divorce. She tends to make excuses why no man is worth dating. Next, she never follows through with emails or text messages to potential suitors. She is clearly stuck when it comes to love. Her painful past is dictating her future relationships.
Lisa is currently only remembering all the painful memories from her nightmare marriage. Thus her center of focus is 100% on what “she does not want to draw into her life.” Yet every man she draws in has characteristics of her ex-husband who makes her run. Now she has given up on dating all together.
One helpful strategy is to identify everything her husband did right in their relationship. The more she can focus on the good times and what worked in the relationship the happier she will be. Her center of focus will no longer be on all the bad times. Every time Lisa remembers the painful memories she is bringing the energy from the past right back into her current love life and recreating the experience again.
Lisa needs to reassess her perception by not looking through the lens of a victim. A person with victim thinking only see’s the drawbacks of the previous relationship. However, people do not realize that focusing on what you do not want to attract is exactly what you attract into your life.
If you want to stop the chaotic relationships then only focus on the good times of any relationship. The more good you see , will result in attracting “more good into your life!” Thus dropping the fear of getting into and attracting another abusive relationship.
Next, if Lisa is still telling a story about any past relationship than she is suffering! All stories must stop so one does not recreate another victimizing relationship. Universal law states that there are equal amounts of benefits and drawbacks in any relationship. A victim’s viewpoint will only assess drawbacks.
Only victims enter and stay in toxic relationships!
Focus on the good times!