This past few months there's been quite a few blog posts in attack of the "nice guy". Perhaps it's a bit perjorative to call them attacks. They're more like instances of setting these so-called losing nice guys straight and pulling their heads down out of the idealistic clouds.
It wasn't until recently that I realized women have so many issues with nice guys. I've heard many explanations and excuses about why that nice guy on paper got Heisman'd to the friend zone or even worst, never called at all. Well, it's now obvious that there's a disconnect between how men and women define "nice".
Based on the responses from posts like this, women don't judge a "nice guy" in the context of a plain descriptors. For women, there are nice guys and the nice guy that's right for her. In the case of the latter, chemistry and social behavior is extremely important. A woman attaches value to how the nice guy treats her, how serious he takes her and his time with her, how safe she feels with him, and how comfortable their interactions are. They can find a blue collar sanitation engineer nice in the same exact way that they can find a Ivy League-educated lawyer nice. Men on the other hand all use the same adjectives that have become synonymous with a nice guy.
So why is there this notion that nice guys fail to win the coveted prize of the love below? It finally made sense a few weeks ago. They cater the adjective nice to the qualities about them that they perceive make them desirable and thus dateable. The phrase in bold is important to understanding why people say nice guys finish last. Perception effects your interaction with the opposite sex. Nice guys tend to over-compensate in the areas that women don't care about and fall short in the areas that women swoon over.
When women explain why the nice guy wasn't the one, their answers can be simplified down to the lack of chemistry. A nice guy will spend so much time selling his niceness that he doesn't put the effort and energy into finding if he's even the right nice guy for the woman in front of him. Nice guys don't realize that nice isn't a one-size-fits-all thing.
One thing that nice guys have to come to understand is that being nice doesn't entitle you to having the girl that you want. On many occassions, the nice guys are reaching for the apples too high in the tree. They step outside of their lane and have to face rejection that's based on other things.
So, nice guy reading this, the woman you want passed you up because she knows the 2 of you (in all your niceness) are just not a great match in the areas that actually are important. Just because a woman didn't choose you doesn't mean you're a nice guy who lost.