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The 'platonic husband': not all women marry because of genuine sexual attraction

Many times women will marry a man who they have nothing more than a 'platonic' interest in while cheating with other men on the side
Many times women will marry a man who they have nothing more than a 'platonic' interest in while cheating with other men on the side
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In my last article in this column, Frustrated 'good girls' speak out: how the Madonna / Whore Complex affects women, I discussed how many men will marry a certain type of woman (usually, a 'prudish good girl' type) but many of those same men will have one or more other women (usually who are much kinkier and more uninhibited than their wife) as a 'mistress' or 'on-the-side woman' to fulfill their sexual fantasies and satisfy their sexual needs and urges in a beck-and-call manner.

Well, to be fair to my male readers, it is not only men who tend to exhibit this sort of sexual duplicity with their spouses. As I alluded to at the very end of the article, in today's society, many women have their own version of the 'Madonna / Whore Complex.' The similar term for women would be 'The Platonic Husband Syndrome.'

If you are a man who is currently married or even recently separated or divorced, here are some signs that you may be (or may have been) a victim of the 'Platonic Husband Syndrome' (or PHS):

  • Do you have to 'beg' your wife for sex on a regular or semi-regular basis?
  • Do you frequently suspect that your wife may be cheating on you with other men (or even with bisexual women)?
  • Do you frequently catch your wife flirting with other men, and particular men that seem more 'edgy' and/or more hedonistic than yourself?
  • When your wife does decide to have sex with you, does she give you the impression that she is 'bored' or wants the sex to be over with as quickly as possible? Does she always give you the impression that she is 'too tired' for sex or simply 'not in the mood?'
  • Do you find yourself spending time with your children, or remaining home by yourself on Thursday evenings, Friday evenings, and/or Saturday evenings while your wife is out having fun "with her girls?"
  • Does your wife love having lengthy non-sexual conversations with you, but as soon as the conversation includes the subject of sex, your wife seems to get 'turned off' or she switches to another subject?
  • If you are now divorced or separated, did your ex-wife (or soon-to-be-ex-wife) leave as soon as you became unemployed or experienced an episode of unexpected financial-related adversity?

If you have experienced one or more of these symptoms on a week-to-week, month-to-month basis with your wife, I would assert that 90-99% chance, you are a victim of PHS.

If you are a long-time reader of my column, you have probably read where I have frequently said that there are only three general reasons why women seek to share a man's company on a regular or semi-regular basis. Those three reasons are:

  1. To be pleased and satisfied in bed
  2. To be flattered and entertained as well as to have someone to 'vent' with when they are feeling hurt, disappointed, or frustrated
  3. To seek out financial assistance or financial support and material gifts

If a woman perceives a man to be in all three categories, or at least Category #1 and Category #3, then a man will very much be looked at as "husband material." If a woman perceives a man to be in Category #2 alone, she is going to look at that man as nothing more than a purely platonic friend. If a woman perceives a man to be in Category #3 alone, she is going to 'use' that man as a 'Sugar Daddy' and more than likely reward him with sex whenever he executes a financial favor for her. If a woman perceives a man to be in Category #1 alone, she will have sex with this man even if he is broke, unemployed, and having sex with other women.

Men who are the victims of PHS are typically men who are really perceived by a woman as being in Category #2 and/or Category #3, but the wife has given the husband the misleading impression that he also falls into Category #1.

I discussed this phenomenon also in my last book, The Possibility of Sex: How Naive and Lustful Men are Manipulated by Women Regularly. At least two dozen men informed me that they actually became a bit 'depressed' to find out that there are women in society who would be willing to marry a man, but have no real genuine interest in having sex with him.

There was a married couple years ago on an episode of Dr. Phil that fell into this category. The wife (I believe her name was 'Kim') openly confessed to Host Phil McGraw (a.k.a. "Dr. Phil") that she did not find her husband sexually appealing at all. After their daughter was born, Kim talked her husband into engaging in swinging and couple-swapping, but she said she rarely if ever had sex with her husband. Dr. Phil was incredulous. "Why are you still married to this man if he does not turn you on sexually?" asked Dr. Phil, with undertones of puzzled anger. Kim replied, "Because he is a great father to my daughter, and he is very financially responsible. He is a great husband. I am just not attracted to him sexually."

Here is the reality of many women: many of them ideally want to marry a man who has aspects from all three of the categories I mentioned above, but the men who are great in bed, have an above-average amount of money, and who are entertaining to be around are rare (and more than likely, they have so many women throwing themselves at them that they have no desire to be monogamous with one woman).

So what happens for a lot of women is, they look to find a potential 'platonic husband' who falls into both Category #2 and Category #3, or at minimum, a potential platonic husband who falls exclusively into Category #3, and then later, they find one or more other guys from Category #1 to be their 'on-the-side' lover.

You ever wonder why a lot of women have been murdered by their husbands over the last few decades? One reason is simply because the woman married a man who was incredibly jealous, possessive, and/or psychotic. Arguably the number two reason is related to PHS. Men were begging their wives for sex, and rarely getting any sex, but then they found out that their wife was having sex with other men on the side.

Some husbands grow to 'accept' a PHS situation, and end up agreeing to engage in some variation of swinging or couple-swapping. Some men even become cuckolds and go as far as to play the role of voyeur as they watch their wife be pleasured and satisfied by other men.

I have heard some in society say, "I would rather have somebody than nobody." Sorry, but I disagree. I would rather be a lonely, sexless bachelor for the remainder of my life than to allow myself to be a woman's "platonic boyfriend" or "platonic husband/"

If you are a man, and you think you are a potential victim of PHS, do not hesitate to contact me.

In closing, men remember this: it is okay to be 'friendly' with women, and it is also okay to present yourself to women as a 'good guy,' but never allow yourself to be 'so nice' to a woman to the point where she has you spending 15-20+ hours per week every week with her, but you are rarely if ever having sex with that woman.

If there is one thing worse than a woman faking an orgasm in bed, it is a woman 'faking' an entire marriage.

Alan Roger Currie is the author of a number of books, including Mode One: Let the Women Know What You're REALLY Thinking and Oooooh . . . Say it Again: Mastering the Fine Art of Verbal Seduction and Aural Sex. Currie's latest eBook, The Possibility of Sex: How Naive and Lustful Men are Manipulated by Women Regularly is also available exclusively on in their Kindle format. You can also download a copy of Currie's eBook on your iPhone, Android Smartphone, or other Smartphone.

Upfront & Straightforward with Alan Roger Currie, the most-listened to talk radio podcast program in the category of "Romance" and "Self-Help for Relationships" on the BlogTalkRadio Internet Radio Network, can be heard LIVE every Thursday evening at 10:00pm EST / 7:00pm PST. Visit and for more details

Currie offers email, telephone, and Skype consultations to both men and women; Visit to purchase a consultation.

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