As managers, mothers, fathers, spouses or just friends, we are responsible for how others take care of us whether we want to admit or not. It begins with us in determining the level of respect and concern we need. It begins with us when directing the behavior of others. That does not mean trying to control, manipulate, demand unrealistic expectations or totally transform someone’s personality. It means that we have to communicate what we need to improve productivity in the workplace, to diminish conflict at home or to just make us happy. It is a win win situation when we can address the problem before it becomes more complicated than it needs to be because everyone knows the playing ground.
As an organizations supervisor, if we try to show new hires that we are too flexible, we will be soft until there training period is over, we elaborately understand their situation at home and unfortunately, they are absent again, we begin to build resentment because they are not performing as we expected. Yes, there is a time to empathize but be careful when not defining what you need early on. It may avoid the imbalance as time progresses. It may avoid an eventual firing if the individual really cares about their job and working with you.
In our personal lives, it is really not our children’s fault that the chores are not getting done because we have given them too many exceptions. When the chores are left behind, add more to their list the next time around. Discontinue their computer or TV use for that day but don’t casually dismiss. Of course, life happens, so do emergencies and sometimes changes may take time and practice. According to studies, it takes a person seven times to do something consistently when learning a new procedure until it becomes a natural reaction, response or action.
Sometimes others become confused with the words unconditional and acceptance especially when it concerns those we love. However, our love for others does not have to come to a halt because of a behavior that may hurt; but the behavior may have to be altered. When that happens, whatever the relationship, it usually blossoms if both are on the same page. Those that experience domestic violence can continue to love with all their heart, but forgiving and trying to forget the slap in the face for love is not the answer. Counseling, sometimes police intervention may be the recourse necessary to improve that relationship beyond expectation. Don’t excuse it, even once, because he or she loves you.
Yes, there are exceptions where individuals just don’t care enough about you or your situation to make a difference regardless of whether it is personal and professional. Then it will be time to move on. But teaching them first without games, frustration or resentment is the first step.
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