The reality of working for and with someone else, say for instance with a group of highly diverse people, is that your standards are not that of your coworkers. Ever. How could they be? They are yours, not theirs. Standards such as level of cleanliness that is deemed tolerable, behaviors you consider professional or not, sufficient awareness of the surroundings to do all the little things that create a functioning and happy work place. These are just a few standards that people have incorporated into their personalities through work and life experiences, and hopefully gained higher standards through the ethics classes taught in massage school. Unfortunately, after 35 years in the work force, having children and husbands, I can honestly say my observation is that high standards are not the priority for the majority. And by high, I mean mine.
Pareto's Principle has been proven correct time and again, which goes like this: when left alone, and all things progress organically, 20% of all the people in a group will make 80% of the money, do 80% of the work, and do 80% of the bitching about the work, (and not about the money). The 80% are the people who have the lower standards, walk around with blinders on, and honestly do not see any problems with their lax-a-day-sical mindsets- they think the 20% are off their rockers for working too hard, are Tard Cat's, and need to get off their (the 80%'s) asses about what they aren't doing.
This used to be the Battle Royale for me, my "go-to" place for when I needed a good slam session. In every situation I found myself in, be it work, home or relationship- I was ALWAYS the 20%. That's what I was brought up to do, be the worker/doer/abusee to the lazy/unappreciative/abusers! Wasn't that what my parents did? And, my grandparents? All of my friends were, of course, the hardest working people we knew. That's how we knew we were better than those other people, and proudly displayed our disgust over their failings!
How'd that work out for me, you ask? Not very well, not very well at all. This did not win me many friends, and actually caused me to have an anxiety disorder. However, I'm no quitter! I kept that mindset for decades before I realized how potently dangerous it was to myself. I believed I was powerless, and that every thought I had was truth, and I acted on that truth. Lord, was I wrong.
You see, separation is an illusion. Illusions are memes (infectious living mindsets), which means they live to recreate themselves by replicating and morphing into even bigger memes, which then bind the person into believing the meme so deeply that they have a really hard time extricating themselves out of it. For instance, how Justin Beiber got so popular- tricky managers, sneaky advertising and repetitive meme planting- yes, he's glorious, yes, he's God in body form, yes, his voice is brilliant, everyone loves him, you're weird if you don't. Now, we're stuck with him, until he implodes. Like the saying goes: if you say it enough times, people will believe it's true. Or, the corollary for politics: just keep putting it on the ballot, voters will eventually get it right.
I believed so deeply in the separation between me and them, because how could I ever be like them, those lazy humans?
How does this apply to having a mindset for success?
First, I had to realize that what I was believing was not really mine to begin with. Over 99% of a persons thoughts are actually someone else's, who caught it from someone else, who bought it from someone else (on and on to infinity). Humans are hardwired to be on autopilot, allowing our computer brain to run at will because it is just easier that way. Watch what your mind tells you, be the observer of your thoughts, and see all the rampant silliness and outright lies that it holds!
Did I actually believe all that crap- or had I been so inured, so complacent that I allowed my mind to tell me my truths? Once I downloaded that piece of genius, I watched my thoughts like a hawk on rodents!
Secondly, if separation is an illusion, then all those other people are simply me in another form, and why am I being so mean and evil to myself? That only hurts me, and I LOVE me! Wow, another reality check.
Thirdly, I have choice in everything in my life. I can choose to do or not do. If I don't feel like "picking up the slack" for someone else, then I don't, if I want to clean a common area I do. With choice brings peace, and a freeing non-judgemental mentality that allows everyone to be where they are in life. Which in turns, creates a cheerful environment, producing more productive people.
This is the key for success- being happy in your doing, focusing on yourself on not others' stuff, remaining positive by knowing that choosing another choice is your power. You are not your thoughts, however, you and your life experiences are byproducts of the actions that those thoughts produced. You are a brilliant, amazing, intelligent being who has full control over every aspect in your life! Get rid of all the memes that awfulize everything! Build up the mindsets that empower you!
There- now you know the secret to success is the mindset of having no mind! Or, losing your mind, to find yourself. Do I ever return to that place that feels heavy and dark? Yes, many times a day. Do I stay there? Less and less every day.
I am successful in all that I do, come play with me in the field of possibilities!
*disclaimer- names have been changed, stories told to me retold, and nothing I write about is from my present position…if you think I am writing about you, you are probably mistaken...