Skip to main content

The man who will measure up


When a man approaches you, he knows exactly what he wants from you. It does not matter if you meet him at church, at a baseball game, at a bar, or at the beach. If a man takes the time to come up to you, it is because he has seen something he wants.

It is no secret that men do not operate, or even think, the same way women do. We have been “programmed” differently, which is an interesting state of affairs allowing for a wealth of comic material for comedians and writers alike. Sometimes, though, the way in which a woman is treated is less than comic.

I have seen a lot of my friends, and a couple of my sisters, treated as though they were less important than a material object. There is nothing amusing about a woman who gives her heart to a man who behaves as though she’s simply given him a tissue. We are better than that, ladies. We deserve better than that. And it is time we start acting like it.

We have stopped requiring men to rise up to a certain set of standards. Our admission requirements are lax--we let everyone in regardless of their character, integrity, or intellect. We are responsible for this. It is common knowledge that there are a lot of jerks out there, but these jerks have found women willing to date them. Don’t be one of these women.

Now, if you are having fun just dating around, this article is probably not for you. This advice is for all the ladies who are looking for a good man. The man. A man worth their time. If you don’t care about the quality of man you date, I won’t argue with you. I will tell you, though, that you should not be surprised when the jerk you are dating turns out to be a jerk. I will also say that you are not doing yourself or that guy a favor by allowing him to treat you with a flippant attitude.

I have told you before that you cannot make something that is wrong, right. If you want a man who will treat you with respect, don’t make excuses for the one who is treating you like a stepping stone. If you want a man who is on time, stop going out with the one who continually shows up 15 minutes late. If you want a man who appreciates you, you can’t date the guy who won’t remember your name. If you want a man who will be committed to you, stop wasting time with the guy who tells you he’s just looking to have a good time.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with knowing what you want out of a relationship. I realize that there are a lot of people who will call you a number of things: uptight, unrealistic, prudish, demanding, hard to please, and my favorite, persnickety. Let me be very clear when I say that having expectations of the man you are devoting yourself to is not demanding, it is good sense.

There are a lot of guys out there willing to measure up to standards. The problem is we are not asking them to. We are willing to date them even if they don’t measure up. This needs to change. Tell a man what your expectations are, and one of two things will happen: (1) He will rise up to meet your expectations because he is a man worthy of you and your love; or (2) He will continue acting like a fool, and you will realize very quickly this is not a man worth your time.

Know who you are. Know what you want and what you will not tolerate so that when a guy approaches you with the intention of using you as a means to an end, you can look him in the eye, state confidently what you want, tell him it was nice to make his acquaintance, but won’t he please excuse you as you are waiting for someone worth your time. And mean it.


  • q 5 years ago

    Why does it seem like so many of us women are willing to cut ourselves short? Why does it feel like we have to be so understanding of jerks when the only things on their minds is themselves? It's hard enought fighting all the stereotypes againsts women if we aren't even helping ourselves.

  • Matthew Thompson 5 years ago

    Excellent article. I'll share this sentiment with my twin daughters when they come of age.