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The legend of the Jon Bon Jovi stink-eye

The dreaded Jon Bon Jovi stink eye
The dreaded Jon Bon Jovi stink eye
Photo courtesy / The Goddess Hathor

Stink Eye: “a facial expression of doubt, distrust, or dislike; a dirty look, skunk eye or hairy eyeball”.

Unofficially the word origin is believed to have originated in the Hawaiian beach sports surfer and volleyball communities. “Maka pilau” in Hawaiian translates to “one with rotten eyes; a ghost”.

In latin culture as well as many tribal cultures around the world, there is a healthy fear of a phenomenon known as the Evil Eye.

It’s always lurking, hanging around the corner, watching, seeing all, and waiting for an opening to befall the unsuspecting with bad luck, a horrible accident, or just plain gut-busting fear.

So dreaded is the Evil Eye that some cultures pin miniature eyeballs onto babies to protect them from it’s gaze, to ward them off and send them watching others someplace else.

Why, in some cases practitioners of black magic are consulted to eradicate the cursed spell.

Undoubtedly, we’ve all been on the business end of a stink eye; hell, we proudly chuck our very own when we’re cut off in traffic, a family member porks us off, or the kids are dancing a jig on the dinner table in some restaurant.

But what of the prized Jon Bon Jovi stink eye?

It’s been known to make grown men cry; reduces roadies to inconsequential pillars of salt; makes women around the world quiver and shake at the sheer animal power of it; and instilsl in his band mates a visual pummeling that reeks of abject disdain and disappointment.

Perhaps the only way the look could be made worse is if Richie, Tico, David or Hugh were shirtless in front of him, wrists strung high to the stage rafters with log chain so that Jon could wield a six-foot bullwhip on their naked, sweaty backs for the errs of their ways in hitting a wrong note, playing a wrong chord, being out of time, or just plain being on the wrong damn day.

It’s loathsome and fearsome and the mere mention of this phenomenon is known to send lions in the African plane scurrying for the cover of the nearest brush.

Tough guys and wise guys stand and pose in front of the mirror, trying to duplicate it, but only able to imitate it. Hell, it’s a look so powerful, so smoldering, so intense and so downright incendiary it makes Tony Soprano or Scarface look like Pee Wee Herman by comparison.

The fans in JoviNation stay awake at night, thinking of it’s entrancing power, it’s ability to reduce a person on the recieving end to a height a hair shorter than a snakes belly.

The curious crave a moments’ look at it, yet dreading the potential consequence and the smoldering, unpredictable emotion that power it.

Alas, there is no antidote or defense for the fearsome Bon Jovi Stink-Eye; no magic bullet or lucky charm to liberate the object of it’s disdain from it’s supremely judgmental view.

Oh, it begins innocently enough, does the Jovi Stink-Eye.

It dwells in the same seductive blue eyes that melt women where they stand; shares the same crows-feet that grow deeper with each searchlight white smile.

You know that smile: it starts at one corner of the mouth, almost like a smirk until it spreads across his face, lighting the darkest corner of the universe with its' boundless pearly white light.

If there are aliens above in the galaxies of space, they will know the Bon Jovi smile before they discover planet earth.

But like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde, a sudden wrong note or rude fan or an interview run too long takes those brilliant baby blues and sucks the warmth from them at a moments notice.

The smiling crows feet give way to a squint and pouting sneer that would show you exactly how Bon Jovi was taking you apart in his mind if he ever truly lost control of it.

During an interview, it comes on like a small wave.

He appears ceaselessly bored and annoyed; the jaw muscles tighten as the chin sets firmly downward, the mane of hair motionless as the head turns ever so slightly, and the lids come to a half-close; assessing, evaluating, taking the measure of you and your insolent audacity.

And the breath! Oh the breath: if that chest heaves or he audibly lets the breath out through his lips, you’re in some deep, deep dung.

The Bon Jovi stinkeye is such an established aspect of the star’s persona with fans that one need only mention it on social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook and the stories germinate for days; still other sites on the web---notably Topix---actually have fan forums aptly named for the temperamental side of the singer: Bon Jovi Stinkeye Forum

Lida from Athens, Greece describes the look as:

“The look in which Jon says the next time you do this, you won’t live to see the light of day”.

Still others refer to it as 'Jon’s WTF look'.

Regardless of the look’s intent or target, it is yet one more thing devoted fans around the world have come to know and love about Bon Jovi.

Though fearsome and funny at the same time, it is yet one more thing the fans can’t get enough of because at it’s most primitive, it humanizes Jon; let’s us know that though we have him held high as an idol and soundtrack to our lives that at the end of the day, he’s human, just like us.

Just don't tell him that, or you might get one yourself.

Be sure to find and follow Glenn Osrin on twitter @wizardofosrin